Avoiding The Same Oles
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Having been married now for 52 years, I am finding more and more; anger rising when events of the past are triggered. "WHY, did I do that; or WHY did I choice!!"
Like Adam, when asked by God, "why are you hiding from Me?" (or in my case, why am I so angry!)
Adam's reply included blaming God for what Adam had done.
When God asked Adam, "Who told you that you were naked?
You have eaten, then, from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat!"
The man replied, "The woman whom YOU put here with me—she gave me fruit from the tree, and so I ate it."
Wow, I did not see that until hearing the reading at Mass today.
God used that to heal my heart of all the anger I have been dealing with over the events of 52 years of marriage. I thought I had forgiven, sought forgiveness, and left all in the past---but---anger of late keeps coming. Why, God, why am I so angry of late?
This morning, my pleas for help and answers came.
I must explain something first---I have been hearing the "Inner Voice of God since age 12. And, it was the Inner Voice of God that said "this is the man you are to marry," when my husband proposed to me within 24 hours after our first date. The whole stroy can be found in the first chapter of the book I was led to write. "My Journey, My Cross--as the Journals End." Bethana is my pen name. (It can be found online just by doing search of the book's title.)
Today as I cried and sought answers to the anger that kept rising up about events that happened over the years: God's Inner voice gave me the answer I was so longing far.
"My dear beloved, you have not forgiven Me for putting you into that marriage and allowing all that happened that continues to anger you so."
Subconsiously, like Adam; I was blaming God! I did not even realize this until today! My inner being was screaming out in anger---
"Why did You do this God! Why did you put me into a situation that caused much hurt at time in my life, and the lives of those I loved?"
Today, I forgave God. By His grace and knowledge given, I see how all of life is a BIG Puzzling PUZZLE! Piece by piece, it comes together to make a 1500 pieces ---MASTERPIECE!
Every event, good or bad, dark or bright, ----EVERY piece is important for the complete picture of God's plan unfolding in our life.
No gift of the Holy Spirit, no fruit of the Holy Spirit would be within if not for the experiences of our past blessing us with God's gifts.
EVEN the Presence of God being within us, even His love, His peace would not be a part of our life if not for the deep hurt that lead us to DESIRE to be set free! We long for a New Life in His Love. We seek answers, the truth ---oh wait---we are very LOST and it is GOD who SEEKS us!! The Good Shepherd comes to find us and embrace that wounded lamb. Thank you God for all!!
This is why we are told ---'In all things give thanks!" "Take up your cross, to follow ME."
"Forgive as I have forgiven you and live in love, so I can live in you."
By His WORDS we are Healed of all that still hurts within.
It is time dear beloved to LOVE all of our life's story and to live in His Love. Forgive yourself, others and most importantly FORGIVE GOD for all the pieces of your life's picture story!
Born the youngest of nine children, raised VERY Catholic across the street from Immaculate Heart of Mary church and school—Mom and Dad led by example and word their FAITH in God and saw to it that I was given 12 years of Catholic Education. (Mount St. Mary’s Academy/1965)
But, most importantly, because of my parents’ spiritual renewal after attending Cursillo Weekends, I too went on a retreat at our beloved Subiaco Abbey in Arkansas and there, at age 20, gave my life totally, surrendering all to my Lord and best Friend. This was my “Pentecostal” event that left me, like all the early Christians, on fire with God’s love and forever changed.
My husband Robert and I have been married for 54 this year in a marriage arranged by God. We have 8 children, two in heaven, 24 grandchildren, and 28 great-grandchildren. The story of our life together can be found in a book titled “My Journey, My Cross-As the Journals End,” published by Westbow Press . Our life together has been one awesome up and down roller coaster ride which enriched my heart with so many of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I have found that the only way, Wisdom, Understanding, Words of Knowledge, Discernment, and Healing can be received is first by experiencing in your life the hurts of others. (and you yourself a sword will pierce)* so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” Luke 2 v 35.
God has blessed me also many other talents and skills--but sometimes, blessings/gifts can and have caused problems or conflict in my life, as I am human and all too quickly that part of me shows up. Thank You God that You also show up!
Because of the many ways that He has rescued me, and taught me through my trials and tribulations and continuous cries for “Help”--- a weekly podcast radio show called “It’s Me, God” can still be found on www.radiotitans.com
