Am I a Conservative Catholic?
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Did you see the title of this article and thought “What the heck does that mean?” Yea, I get it. But this past week, I realized how true this was.
Friends are…………fill in the blank. There are too many adjectives to list. Personally, I think one of the reasons God sent us into the world was to give all of us the opportunity to keep each other company. One of the most profound and relatable verses in the bible is:
It’s nice to know we will always, no matter what, have a friend in Jesus. Are you in trouble?….call on Jesus. Are you grateful for good news on a health test?....tell Jesus. Just need someone to listen?....have a seat in church and talk to Him. Afterall, a friend is someone you trust, someone you likely love and who loves you, someone you go to when you are sad, or happy or confused or or or or or…..well you get the drift.
But this last weekend, I realized I didn’t display the trust I clearly have in a friend, and I learned a tearful lesson because of it.
Did you ever want to respond to your friend when they say something you don’t agree with or perhaps, they are unintentionally unkind? But because they are your friend, you swallow hard and accept the hurt, knowing that you’ll likely get over it. That happened to me. When I am hurt, I shut down on a dime and wallow in my sadness. As God said, I would lay down my life for my friends. I would walk through fire for them; so why couldn’t I just tell them that what they said hurt me? I took this weekend to think about this? I prayed on it and, this morning, it all came together for me with a little help from that very friend.
Of course, I trust my friends. But my desire to not hurt them by voicing my sadness at a comment one made to me, trumped my trust that they were strong enough to hear me. So, for me, it came down to 'do I trust', or 'do I hurt'? That was a crummy choice and, actually, a false choice. Clearly, hurting a friend by making them feel uncomfortable in challenging them about an unkind comment is so foreign to me, I’d rather be sad than to say something.
But as it came up later, I was reminded, if they are truly my friend, then I have to trust our friendship to know that they won’t end our relationship over my speaking up. In thinking about it, it was more disrespectful of me not to trust that they could have the uncomfortable feeling, than for me to say nothing and be sad about the comment.
Jesus gives us strength we can’t appreciate until we summon it. I have to trust that my friends are not so fragile that they will fall apart if I say something about, what I perceived, an unpleasant comment. They are not Waterford crystal!! They won’t break into a million pieces. Frankly, my lack of trust in the strength of our friendship is just plain disrespectful and they might likely be hurt. This whole circular logic finally made me realize that my not talking to my friend about the hurt, might be hurting them anyway because I didn’t trust them enough to tell them.
I know they love me as I love them. Although this writing is a bit convoluted, it has reminded me that God has blessed me with friends, and especially two friends who I would be lost if they disappeared tomorrow. I know, now having thought it through, that they will be there for me as I will be there for them if they need me. Friends, like Jesus and my two dear friends, are gifts more precious than gold.
The bible is replete with references to friends, friendships and the like. Trust is the basis for any friendship, and without it, a friendship can die. I’ve come to realize that if I believe in the sacredness of the friendships I have, I must lean on the fact that trusting my friends to love me no matter what, is a requirement to ensure our friendship endures.
So, no, friendship need not be so fragile as Waterford Crystal, if you handle it with care, love it with all your heart and remember that trust is the most important element of its survival.
If you have friends, tell them you love them and trust them. If you are short of friends, pray for some. To go through life without them denies you a gift from God.
I am not a professional writer. But I love Jesus and I had enjoyed writing articles for our parish bulletin until space became an issue. I now write for me, but would like to continue to share my thoughts with others. A friend and priest has always encouraged me to write and find an avenue to share my thoughts.
