I was disappointed I was disappointed.
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I looked up the definition of prayer. “Prayer is an invocation or act that seeks to activate a rapport with an object of worship through deliberate communication.” Really? Come on!!!! Those of us who love God, practice our Catholic faith, and are poor in spirit from time to time, clearly think of prayer as more a personal conversation with Jesus and don’t think of it as this technical, dry definition.
I feel I am a woman of prayer…….. much more so, than the first 50+ years of my life. I honestly don’t believe it has anything to do with the fact that most of my life is over and that I am closer to heaven now than as a child. I know it has grown as a result of my spiritual relationship with priests and others around me now, who were not there 10 years ago. I’ve now been a member of a parish staff for close to 3 years. Suffice it to say, it has been a growing experience working within the church and the church walls as opposed to my secular job of 45 years. Life is very different.
I recently told a priest who is also a friend, that there are times during the day when I pinch myself and am reminded of where I would be today had I not resigned my secular job to accept his offer to work for our Lord. I am so much happier than before, but even my position as an HR Manager in the Church has its times when I wonder if I did the right thing. Then something special happens and my wonderings are allayed, and I know this is where I was meant to me. My motto “It’s not about me, it’s about Him”, brings me back to why I made the decision to work for the Church. And the offer to work on our parish staff was a blessing I’ll always be grateful.
I pray so much more than I ever have in my life. Sitting in Church alone with God happens a lot, and I am more comfortable praying alone than with others. It gives me a chance to thank Him, ask Him, cry with Him, beg Him, and love Him in my own very personal way. It allows me to focus and not have the distractions which come with others in the church with me.
In the last few years, there have been times when I have asked Jesus for something, and I did not receive what I asked for. Or did the answer come in another form? The priest who hired me was reassigned. I begged God that this not happen and I prayed for months, but to no avail. Yes, I was unhappy for a long time, but began to realize with his guidance that this was God’s will. So, did I get what I wanted? No. But God did respond to my prayers with His will. And although I wish things may be different, it is fine. I have been graced in other ways. Perhaps, his departure was for a greater purpose, allowing others to experience his wisdom and care to lead Jesus’ people in another parish. I have to trust that Jesus knows best. I’ve learned a lot with this change. That priest is still my friend and ‘all is well’. ….another answer to my prayer.
Someone recently asked me what my favorite bible verse is. For me, this was an easy answer……The Beatitudes. Clearly, the Beatitudes are what should guide all of us. They are the definition of what groups are to look for when looking for Jesus. I wrote about this in another article not long ago. I think of them as the perfect prayer. Clearly, there are millions of prayers, and all are good and wonderful. Each of us prays in our own way and talks with Jesus in a way which is most comfortable. Jesus taught us how to pray and we all pray The Lord’s Prayer and expand upon it in various ways.
God’s ways are not always easy to understand. And perhaps it is God’s plan that we not always understand them, but to trust that He knows best. Perhaps these sufferings are a way for Him to teach us that in order to appreciate the good times He gives us; we must also learn to deal with the difficult and sad times.
So, when you think your prayers have not been answered, think again. Maybe they have! Maybe the answer is not what you wanted or expected but open yourself to the possibility that maybe the answer comes in a way you didn’t expect. Look for the answer. Perhaps, it is a way for God to tell you that His way is the better way, and that there is a purpose in His guiding hand. Prayer is a gift.....A sort of phone call to God. Be sure to pick up the phone and call often. And always be sure to answer that call when it rings in your heart. Jesus has your number. And aren’t you glad He does?
I am not a professional writer. But I love Jesus and I had enjoyed writing articles for our parish bulletin until space became an issue. I now write for me, but would like to continue to share my thoughts with others. A friend and priest has always encouraged me to write and find an avenue to share my thoughts.
