On Forgiveness

As we recite the “Our Father” during Mass and boldly declare: “...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...” do we really forgive? And do we even know what forgiveness means or how to achieve it?

In Mark 11:25, Christ defines forgiveness as follows: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Scripture takes forgiveness a step further by adding that we are to abstain from taking revenge against our transgressor: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).  

It appears that forgiveness is two fold: 1. A decisive act in our hearts to stop feeling anger towards someone who has wronged us; and 2. To forgo doing harm against someone who has hurt us. In other words, forgiveness is not achieved if we say it, but then seek repayment for the loss or harm. And in the alternative, forgiveness is also not achieved if we don’t seek revenge, but continue to hold a grudge in our heart.

Admittedly, sometimes it is difficult to forgive, because a transgression is so great that it pierces our soul. And it is precisely for this reason that we need to let go of the poisonous anger to release the hatred and allow Christ’s freedom back in. Forgiveness is the ability to live freely again. 

In my humble opinion it is much harder to hate than it is to forgive. Holding on to anger not only weakens our faith, but our bodies too. Unresolved resentment can wreak physical havoc. While forgiveness is certainly about setting our transgressor free from repayment for harm suffered I think it is more about taking a step towards freedom for own well being. Choosing to remain in a state of unforgiveness harms everyone. 

If you’ll note, when we do pray the Our Father we are praying for the collective forgiveness of the Body of Christ and not just our own: “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Unforgiveness also affects the Church, and invites discord, dysfunction, and division where Christ’s love should abide. 

Unforgiveness is choosing to remain in a state of emotional turmoil and separation from Christ. Why remain caged when freedom is one decision away?

Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is possible. Therefore, forgiveness in any given case is not impossible. Maybe that’s what our prayer should be? “God help me to forgive.” That is what my prayer is anyway. When I do pray the Our Father, it is with an awareness that forgiveness is a work in progress. I am a work in progress, and it is a heartfelt desire that others achieve inner peace that forgiveness brings.