How Much is Left on the Timer?

“So teach us to number our days 
    that we may get a heart of wisdom” Psalm 90:12 

Whenever I start calculating how many years I likely have left to live, I start to panic a little. What if I calculated wrong and I only have a week left? Or only a few hours? I have things to do, loose ends to tie up, I am not ready to die yet. Please, dear God, don’t let me die yet, I am not ready! I usually have to actively calm myself down and start thinking about something else. In other words, I am absolutely terrified of dying. Even when I come across a small bird that has passed away, or squish a bug that I am too terrified to stay in the same room with while it is alive, I feel a strange weight come over me. I cannot get over how Final death is. That poor bird is never going to sing another song ever again. That terrifying bug is never going to scare another unsuspecting human out of their skin ever again. You know, I have this really mean rooster. It has chased, bit and stabbed me with its spurs multiple times, but I cannot bring myself to have him for dinner. Why? Because he is so beautiful. I cannot bring myself to take a creature of such beauty and end its timeline before its natural life arch has ended.

So. When I am finally finished sucking in the last couple of breaths I have left, will I be gone forever? How can I take this great fear of death my heart has and turn it into something else? Another Bible verse comes to mind. It reads, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God,” (Romans 8:38-39). Not a single one of the things in that list, including death, has the power to separate me from God’s eternal love for me. I think it would be wise to hold that thought close to my heart the next time I start to panic.