St. John of the Cross Poetry Reflections Part 2 At Contemplation

I no longer live within myself
And I cannot live without God,
For if I have neither Him nor myself
What will life be?
It will be a thousand deaths
Longing for my true life
And dying because I do not die

This life that I live is no life at all,
And so I die continuously
Until I live with You;
Hear me, my God;
I do not deserve this life.
I am dying because I do not die.

When I try to find relief
Beholding You in the Sacrament
I find this greater sorrow;
I cannot enjoy You wholly.
All things are affliction
Since I do not see you as I desire,
And I die because I do not die.

I will cry out my death
And mourn my living
While I am held here for my sins.
O my God, when will it be
That I can truly say;
Now I live because I do not die

The stanzas of At Contemplation were written while St. John of the Cross experienced deep ecstasy in the state of contemplation. His reflections challenge one to ask himself, does he desire God enough to leave behind every single thing in his life so as to die and be with God eternally without fear despite the unknown of what comes after death? These are bold statements that, perhaps, one is not ready to make right now in the present moment. It could be said that this poem is a continuation of One Dark Night for the first stanza of this poem begins where the last stanza of One Dark Night finishes, at the point where St. John reaches the climax of his ecstatic experiences with God and where he speaks of completely denying himself in total surrender to God. In the first stanza, he goes on to state that he cannot bear to live without wholly experiencing God’s fullness in this life. He expresses a deep longing for God as he states that earthly life is “a thousand deaths.” One will discover that earthly life is no life at all compared to unity with God If one were to experience that grace of God such as that of St. John during deep contemplative prayer. The soul would not be able to stand living in a life where he cannot experience God, but only through the veil of faith. Hence, St. John dies to self in his life on earth because he cannot die. Unlike for most, St. John’s ecstatic experience was so profound that he expresses his sorrow in beholding the sacraments because God is hidden and he cannot behold the God whom he has experienced through the grace of ecstasy. Finally, St. John closes the poem by making a cry for his death, mourning his earthly life, but at the same time offering these sufferings for atonement for his sins.