Who is the most devastated when someone close is in a state of impending death?

Who is the most devastated when someone close is in a state of impending death?

No doubt all of us must go through periods of depression or some type of mental distress when our closest relatives or for some a dear friend receives the news they are dying.  It doesn’t matter what type of illness or tragic accident has become their final outlook on life.  It is a complete change from what we’ve been used to until this can upset the mode of all involved.

Questions that will flood our minds regarding what we can do to shorten this impending tragedy or answer the call to prepare important functions or responsibilities that may fall to us.  When our 46 year old son died, we had to arrange every step of responsible requirements, which is never easy, mentally.  Fortunately, his ex-wife worked for a  funeral parlor and assisted us in all the needed details of a funeral.  An available burial lot that was in the family’s possession made it even less stressful.  However, for more people these steps can become added moments of pain no one cares to look at.  

One family has been hit with not only a certainty of the passing of an ex-spouse, but added to that are growing adverse anger between siblings, the ex-wife of the dying spouse, and an intermingling stress within their very home.  Blame for the most ridiculous reasons appear to be rising and there is no sign of reconciliation or forgiveness among those waiting for the call from the hospital.

These types of enemy tools are not new to humanity.  When something goes awry the first relief is to put the blame for any unknown reason on those closest and feel more grief than without it.  That seems to be a common malady that confronts anyone of us, and we should not be ashamed of our weaknesses that point to a human failure.  What we need to do, as friends or relatives, is be supportive of those who are struggling with something we all may face in the future.  

This is where a spiritual solace is needed and those of us who are trying to find words of comfort need to just pick up the stress of details and try to guide their decisions as friendly as possible.  

When Jesus was dying on the cross and his Mother Mary and other close disciples were there, the thoughts of where to bury him or anoint his body were not uppermost on their minds.  These requirements would come after their mourning settled a bit.   At times like this, accepting a death is not an easy thing, as my wife is still recounting the death of Paul, four years after his passing.  Grief is a private thing that differs with each person and becomes personal with some for years, and never seceded for some.  

How we are affected with death reminds us of Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus, his very good friend.  “Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.  But even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you.”  (Jn 11: 21 - 22).

“Where have you laid him?”   They said to him, “Sir, come and see.”  And Jesus wept.  So the Jews said, ”See how he loved him.”  (Jn 11: 34 - 36).  Even God feels our pain and weeps at our distress.

Ralph B. Hathaway