Three Thoughts That Helped Me When My Mother Died

My mother, Margaret Connell, lived to be 93 years-old, dying in the year 2022. She suffered a great deal toward the end of her life. First, she had macular degeneration in one eye that required a very painful shot once a month. Then, in her late 80's her dementia got bad enough that she had to move out of her house into an assisted living community. This was at about the same time that covid hit, which made visiting with her difficult and awkward, although myself and her other children made efforts to keep her part of our lives. Then she had another painful and embarrassing physical problem that I prefer not to go into detail about. Finally, she got cancer, which took her very quickly. Happily, my sister, Mary Ann, made sure that she was in a Catholic hospital at the very end of her life so that she received Last Rites or whatever it is called now.

Both my mother and father were life-long practicing Catholics, daily communicants, at times, and generously raised six children together. My father, Gerald Connell, was a deacon. In those times, my mother took Communion to an elderly home and would pray the rosary with the elderly folk, for more than twenty years. She also volunteered at a food bank on a weekly basis, for more than twenty years.

Here are the three thoughts that help me:

First Thought: After my mom died, my Aunt Geri said that we shouldn't think about how much she suffered but about how happy she is now in heaven with the Lord. I don't want to be presumptuous and canonize her myself, but even if she is in purgatory, she must be happy knowing that she is securely on her way to heaven and that moment by moment her heart is becoming like the Lord's Heart.

Second Thought: In heaven, she will see God with the Eyes of God. In the bible, St. John says, "Beloved, we are sons of God even now, and what we shall be hereafter, has not been made known as yet. But we know that when he comes we shall be like him; we shall see him, then, as he is. (1 John 3:2)" The key phrase for me at this time is, ". . . when he comes we shall be like him." I saw a sermon where a priest quoted Master Eckhart as explaining that passage by saying that in heaven we will see God with Eyes of God, which is a very beautiful thought.

Third Thought: Her crown in heaven will be fashioned out of what she suffered on earth for the Lord. The bible says that those in heaven will receive a crown: "Blessed is he who endures under trials. When he has proved his worth, he will win that crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)" I saw a tv show where a Catholic woman in a wheelchair said that she believes the crown the blessed in heaven receive is fashioned out of what the person suffered for the Lord in this life. That is a pious thought, which I think is in no way contrary to generally accepted Catholic teaching. When I was a boy and going through a difficult time, my mother would sometimes tell me to offer it up to the Lord. I believe that she did that herself, as is evidenced by the good-natured way she endured her earthly difficulties and her rememberance of Catholic prayers when there was so little else that she could remember.

Dear readers, may God grant that this little article in some way be helpful to some of you, also.  As a P.S., St. Augustine, in the Confessions, tells how he openly wept for his mother, St. Monica, when she died, and I advise that none of you be ashamed to do the same for your deceased loved ones, at the appropriate time.