Managing Expectations

Here's the thing, I like to say, yes. I like to be helpful and do what I can. This year, I tried to avoid resolutions per se since I wrote a lovely mission statement last year and accomplished precisely zero things on it. Seriously, nothing, zip, notta. Admittedly, it was ambitious, but... let's just say it led to this year's focus on managing expectations, which is twofold: limiting my expectations of others and being reasonable with expectations of myself.

It's only week one and the lessons are coming in strong. I've already learned I need to keep my mouth shut and that ‘yes’ tightly under wraps until I've asked some pertinent questions. I've recently been reminded - and this is important - that everyone, both people and entities, has their own agenda, and that's okay. I have my own agenda, too, my own needs and obligations. It becomes an issue when I fail to ask questions. When I fail to ask questions, odds are that I'm going to learn the hard way that my agenda and someone else's will not work in tandem or, worse still, that they are actually in opposition to one another.

Another lesson I’ve already learned is that I wield trust too freely. I give it where it hasn’t been earned. I also fail to acknowledge when it has been abused or broken. Often, I assume that everyone thinks, works, and gives the same way I do. The reasonable part of my brain knows this is untrue, people are simply different, but my heart and actions regularly fail to fall into line and use caution.

All these things have combined to highlight the passive versus active aspect of managing expectations. I know I cannot reasonably be expected to do ‘everything’ any more than I can reasonably expect it of another. I am, however, responsible for asking questions. I am responsible for following up on things that impact me and my family. I am responsible for where I place my trust. Lastly, ultimately, I am responsible for prioritizing my obligations, needs, and time.

Here, let me insert a few words from scripture to help with clarity on obligation:

• “Whoever does not provide for relatives and especially family members has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever,” (1 Timothy 5:8). Providing is more that signing checks and buying stuff; it requires the gift of your presence, the gift of time and self to the best of your abilities.
• “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” (Matthew 22:39). The focus is most often on the first half, “love your neighbor,” and we forget that last bit or fail to see its importance. “As yourself” implies that to accomplish the first part, we must be doing the second part. Thus, to love and care for our neighbors, we must first love and care for ourselves. As the old saying goes, “you cannot pour from an empty cup.” Self-care is important.

Now, for my key takeaways thus far, and it definitely feels like it’s been more than a week. First and foremost, know your own agenda and have a clear understanding of your obligations to your family, your employer, and yourself. This way, when you find yourself amid new or potentially changing dynamics, you can readily assess your obligations, needs, and expectations and ask the pertinent questions to help determine if there is a mutually beneficial path forward. Per the Catechism, work, in whatever form it takes for us, “honors the Creator’s gifts and the talents received from Him,” (CCC 2437). We have, each of us, been given much. Work is the visible manifestation of all we have received, the fruit of hands, feet, the head on our shoulders, and all else the good Lord felt fit to provide. Second, giving your best is important, it's morally imperative if you are to grow into the person you were created to be.  However, having your best taken and/or taken for granted is unacceptable. Lastly, expectations are normal, everyone has them in some form or fashion of themselves and others. Effectively managing expectations takes clear communication and honesty: honesty with yourself, with others, and from others.