A Joyful Christmas can also harbor a Joyful-Sadness

By Larry Peterson

Christmas Day can also be a stae of mind

I never viewed Christmas as just a “day”. Thanksgiving is a “day”. My birthday is a “day”. Your anniversary is a ‘day”.  But Christmas is much more than simply a day. It is a state of mind, an uplifting, spiritually charged season that changes many people into joy-filled, happy childlike adult. Unfortunately, often there are those who do not feel the joy. Instead they experience the muddled, confusing, heartbreaking feelings of a “Joyful-Sadness”.

Every moment of our existence, life moves forward. It can never be stopped. And as it moves forward things change, and sad things happen to people. Among the most heartbreaking occurrence is always the death of a loved one because along with the passing comes a finality that no one can escape. Friends and others may express their condolences but the loved ones left behind are walking that walk alone unless God is in their lives. But that takes time for those left behind to embrace.

Jesus, as he died on the cross, said, “It is finished.”  As he expired, those at the foot of the Cross wailed, and they were people of GREAT faith, including Our Lady, St. John, and Mary Magdalene. If ever any people left behind understood that Jesus was going to a “better place”, it was them. Yes, even people of great faith experience this Joyful-Sadness. They are human after all.

No matter the circumstance, death is death and our human side feels the pain. That is why our pure and innocent Blessed Mother had a “sword pierce her heart; she was human. She felt the pain and cried. Her Son was dead.

A loved one's death can lead to a period of Joyful-Sadness

Death can lead to the strange period of Joyful-Sadness. It is a time when two opposite worlds collide. Christmas “time” is often the hardest time of the year for many people. It takes time for our humanity to catch up to our spirituality.

As the emotional upheaval within continues, a convoluted mix of emotions leaves behind a trail of combined smiles and tears. For some, their death wound opens and festers during the Christmas season. Their grief is renewed. For others, they move forward with heavy scar tissue protecting them from renewed grief. For all, they never forget.

I visit a number of elderly shut-ins every Sunday. For the most part I am the only person they get to see and talk to each week. They truly look forward to my arrival. I may only be with them for ten to fifteen minutes. During that time, I give them the weekly church bulletin, and they tell me about this or that and maybe the grandkids or great-grandkids.  It might be the doctor visit from the other day or maybe a physical ailment they are dealing with—they just need someone to listen and then validate their suffering.

But there is one more thing, the most important of all.  I am an EMHC (Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion), and my primary purpose in being there is to give them Jesus in the Holy Eucharist (aka Holy Communion). Upon their  receiving Communion, I leave. That is their time alone with Jesus dwelling within them.

But here is the thing about Christmas. They all decorate for Christmas. One lady I visit has a tree that is less than a foot tall. On Thanksgiving Day, she puts lights on it and some tiny decorations, places it on a piece of cotton and puts the baby Jesus under it. Yes, Mary and Joseph are there too. It is a beautiful thing---Christmas is a “state of mind”.

Most of these folks are in their early 90’s. They are not in nursing homes; they are in an assisted living apartment. On Christmas Day, most of them will be picked up by a family member, and they will spend the day with family.

Their's was a beautiful love story

There is one who will not. His name is John and he passed away several years ago. His memory is etched into my mind. John was a retired Army officer. He was 91 when he passed.. He was all alone except for his beloved wife, Mary. Mary had died five years earlier..Mary and her cremated remains were in an urn in his bedroom. Their’s was a beautiful love story. Their wedding picture sat on his makeshift desk where a jumble of random papers were strewn everywhere. Next to Mary’s picture was a small Christmas tree.

John was almost totally deaf and it was hard to talk to him. He told me how he “talked” to Mary daily and how she “talked" to him. He had arrangements made with the local funeral director for when he passed. He explained how he and Mary’s reamins would be picked up together and taken to the local VA Hospital where there was a cemetery. The two of them would be laid to rest together.

 He reached over and gently grabbed hold of the wedding picture. While looking at it he said, “This would have been our 65th Christmas.” He shook his head and a powerful sigh came from somewhere deep within him. A tear ran down his face. Another ran down my face.

please pray for all those who are experiencing a Joyful-Sadness

Maybe we might just say a little prayer for all those experiencing the “joyful-sadness” during this Christmas season.  I believe that John and Mary now exist embraced by a Joyful Happiness

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Copyright©Larry Peterson 2018, updated 2023