Do the Work

"With fear and trembling, work out your salvation" (Phil. 2:12)

Does my faith motivate me to pray or do my prayers fortify my faith?

When I get the chance to talk about my faith, I often start by disclosing that I am a "recovering Pelagian." This serves two purposes:
1. It lets me show off that I have some theological credentials (though it doesn't do much for my humility.)
2. It gives the a launching pad for demonstrating that I am a conflicted and contrary stew of American independence trying to embrace the Christ's gift of unmerited grace.

I have a hard time believing in the concept of unmerited anything.

But back to Pelagius. Pelagius was fourth century Christian moralist who was responsible for the early heresy of Pelagianism. [As an aside, if a theological movement is named after YOU, it's not laudatory, and it's probably a heresy.] Pelagianism denied original sin, and taught that one could achieve salvation through sheer grit, intention, and good works. Think of someone watching an Ironman Triathlon on TV and getting motivated do one themselves. How many people who get that momentary burst of inspiration end up crossing the finish line? I, on the other hand, having run five marathons, know the temptations of which I write.

Grace has often stumped me. I am uncomfortable publicly receiving gifts or praise. Getting something for nothing is the first sign of a scam, right? Do the words "too good to be true" mean nothing any more? No sir! I've got to show up and grind it out to succeed.
Grace, does, however, appeal to the laziness in me. Sometimes it's nice to think about just sitting back and letting Jesus do all the work. The problem I have found with this approach is that I don't truly sit back and wait for Him or look for Him, but instead, I fill myself up with so many other distractions that Jesus doesn't get much actual time or attention from me

I also find that if I fail to do the work of prayer and devotion, I often fail to recognize or live as if I had faith. Grace builds on nature, and when my natural state is spiritually weak, flabby, and full of junk food, I rarely feel inspired to recognize and act as though my faith must be the foundation on which my life is built. Oh sure, a crisis will hit, and I usually get brought back to Jesus begging for help, but doesn't He deserve, and doesn't He offer me much more than a shoulder to lean and cry on?
Grace is all in the receiving. Receiving is a continuous, deliberate action. Receiving is an action that I, in fact must do. I receive actively through prayer and communion.

Here's something I've discovered about myself. I often view the reception of the gift as a one-time event. That's where I fall off the wagon. As soon as I stop my active reception of Jesus' gift, I start to get spiritually short of breath. By contrast, I never fail to receive my paycheck, or my insurance benefits, or my investment returns, but those processes are on direct deposit. They arrive up regardless of whether I specifically request them. Relationships don't work like that, and relationship is what He is offering me. Grace is the fruit of my relationship with Jesus, and not the goal of the relationship.
And that's the way of heresies. They strain and exaggerate points of the faith and leave something that looks a lot like the faith, but just a little more _____ (fill in the blank.)

As Catholics, we are abundantly blessed with methods for getting spiritually fit. St. Ignatius of Loyola didn't coin his term "spiritual exercises" accidentally. Having been a soldier, he knew that when situations got dangerous, they often did so instantly. In those situations, one's training and preparation was often the difference between life and death.

Instead of practicing with guns and swords, however, Catholics must practice prayer. The rosary is many people's standard primary weapon. The rosary is to the spiritual battle what the rifle is to the infantryman. It's easy to learn, it's easy to operate, and it's effective. We also have the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the scapular, the Liturgy of the Hours, lectio divina, the Jesus Prayer, fasting, Confession, spiritual communion, Scripture, daily Mass, and thousands of books with which to fortify ourselves.

I know that if I don't put in the work in prayer, my faith falters, and my life careens from crisis to success with a lot of anxiety in between and accompanying those events. When, however, I take the time and make the effort to turn towards Jesus early and often in the course of my days, I find that my spiritual and emotional equilibrium helps me to see my life as a journey towards my ultimate home in Heaven.

Do I always get it right? Hardly! My home is full of lightly used exercise equipment, and chock full of partially read books on prayer and faith. I see a connection here. The struggle is something I will always have to be aware of and act on. I suspect I'll never "get it" and achieve and maintain the perfect balance of doing and receiving. Maybe few people do. The gyms that are full in January really start to empty out by March.
Maybe the recognition that I am so incapable of building or finding faith on my own is the gift itself? Maybe God created me with this simultaneous awareness and weakness so that I will remain restless until I finally make it home.