
The word “love” has been thrown around so much for so long that its perpetual devaluation has caused a permanent misconception of what it means to love
When random people are asked to define love they will give a variance of definitions, but the general consensus seems to be something along the lines of, “To care greatly for someone”. This is an oversimplification of something that is an attribute of God. This is, however, the definition to be expected from those with a relativistic perspective of the world, in which love is ambiguous and every meaning given to this most profound attribute has equal validity.
As Catholics, we have a perfect example of love in the incarnate Word of God. After living a sinless life in human flesh, and enduring every temptation of that flesh, He gave Himself up freely to death on a cross for a world that rejected Him. This is what love is: to willingly give one’s whole-self to someone else, unconditionally. Real love does not die at the flick of the wrist of daily life, which holds the sword of adversity. It weathers the storm and like everything else that is worth anything, it is hard to achieve.
What love is not, is an epiphenomenon of sex. Almost every contemporary movie attempts to demonstrate people having premarital sex until they “fall in love”. That way after they use each other, if it is convenient, they can leave that person and go move on to use the next one. How easy it is for a people to throw away one another. This is a terrible misrepresentation of what love really is and misleads many. This is sensual infatuation, better known as lust. It is the child of our base nature, whereas love is an intrinsic attribute of the creator who put His image into us. A relationship based on sensual infatuation is false love because it takes on exploitative characteristics that are out of touch with the “loved” one’s real qualities as a person in the image of God.
A person owns a body, but a person is an eternal soul. “For God formed us to be imperishable; the image of His own nature He made us” (Wisdom 2:23). It is degrading to humanity when the worth of so many is based on a body that is only a possession of that person. Glorifying this possession can lead to prideful vanity and obsession. “Why are dust and ashes proud? Even during life the body decays” (Sirach 10:9). However lust operates, whether in the disguise of love or an abomination like human trafficking and prostitution, many are sacrificed on the altar of lust. Whenever a person is viewed as an object of lust it is injurious to their human dignity, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure (Catechism 2355).
After understanding what love is by the example of Christ, we can also understand, through Him, how to love. Of great importance is the fact that while fully God, Jesus was also fully human, as defined by the Church at the council of Ephesus in 431 A.D. This means He was subjected to the same temptations that we are today. Where we fail, He prevailed and by doing so has become the perfect example of self-discipline and the perfect sinless sacrifice. In the same way, we have to have a certain discipline before we can give ourselves fully and freely. If I cannot discipline my flesh, then I am ruled by the desires of my flesh and don’t possess myself. How can I give something that I myself do not possess? This is the prerequisite to love: discipline.
God sent Jesus to save humanity by suffering and dying at the hands of these same ones He came to save. We have done nothing to deserve the generous gift “that while we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). His love for us all is complete and unconditional. Even after He gave Himself as a ransom for us, we still retain the free will to accept or reject His love. If we could not accept His love of our own volition, it would not be love at all.
By carrying out these acts, Jesus has shown us what love is and how to love. When someone says “love” and there are conditions to receiving this “love” that violate your human dignity, it is not love, it is manipulation. What a loved person is, is a light in the eyes of the one who loves them. For true love can see clearly by this light and is not blinded by selfish desire.