A Catholic Love Story & The Role of Divine Mercy.

I love my wife......, no really, I love my wife, and I am on unapologetic about it. I thank God, not nearly enough, for the gift that she is. Her love is reflective of God's love, and I am so grateful for that. So what's the big deal anyway, shouldn't every husband show love for his wife? Well, yes, of course he should, but unfortunately in our modern times and our American culture, it is often thought to be either "uncool" or sign of weakness somehow to publicly proclaim your love for your wife. Additionally, men may fear vulnerability, or perhaps insecurity with the status of their relationship, or how or where they prioritize their marriage. Up until about a month ago, I thought that my relationship with my wife, Bonnie, was overall pretty good and that our love for each other was pretty strong. Unfortunately, it took a health scare that she recently went through to serve as a wake up call, which presented me the opportunity to take a closer look at our relationship. Ultimately, I came to realize that I have not been showing her enough love, and that I unfortunately had been letting the depth of my love for her insidiously evaporate somewhat over previous years, as I even held onto some previous pain and resentment.

My wife and I met in February 1994 at a Catholic retreat, during college, organized through the Diocese of Richmond Virginia called, "Encounter with Christ" #111. I was a sophomore from Lynchburg College, she was a freshman from James Madison University. The Holy Spirit truly led us to meeting that weekend as both of us were initially resistant to encouragement from friends or campus ministers who thought it be a good idea if we attend. As the Holy Spirit would have it, out of the approximately 80 or 90 people on the retreat, Bonnie and I were put in the same small group along with only 4 other people. During the retreat, over the course of just a few days, we got to know a lot about each other as we shared the depths of our soul to each other in our small groups as we began to surrender to God's love. We were given so much that weekend, as we caught a glimpse of God's deep and everlasting love for us. We left the weekend on the usual high from this amazing "encounter with Christ."

Weeks after the retreat, a list was mailed out with phone numbers and contact information (email was just getting started). I am proud to say that Bonnie contacted me first, and I'll never forget hearing her voice on my answering machine, introducing herself as "Bonnie from encounter". I could hardly wait to call her back, and in those early days we would spend hours on the phone talking, listening, as we got to know each other even more. As the school year wrapped up, we would be reunited, as I stopped by James Madison University on my way back home to Pennsylvania for a visit, still strictly just as friends. There was a sweetness and innocence about those early days as we would take long walks at the schools arboretum, and continue to share our faith together, and simply enjoy being in one another's presence. On one of our walks, I happened to pick up a little splinter in my hand, thank God for that splinter! Our friendship developed into a relationship at the moment when Bonnie offered to remove the splinter, and was doing so with her calm and gentle nurse's touch, as our eyes met, we both realized that we were falling in love with each other, as we kissed for the first time.

The next four years were filled with happiness, joy, and love as we went through college together and I transitioned into a year with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (JVC:East), working at a Baltimore hospice for patients dying from AIDS, for the two years after college. As Bonnie completed her nursing degree, and as I prepared to reenter school for Physician Assistant training, my father died very suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 62 from a massive heart attack. Losing my dad was devastating for me as he was the rock in my life. I am the only surviving boy in our family of 10 kids, and we were very close. Losing my dad coupled with the stresses of returning to graduate school, unfortunately drove Bonnie and I apart, as we heartbreakingly broke up and went our separate ways, calling off our early engagement. We tried to remain friends which proved to be too difficult, finally losing all contact with each other for the next 5 years.

All along the Holy Spirit had a plan to bring us back together, as we randomly crossed paths at a dance club called, Have a Nice Day Café in Baltimore, the city where we were both living. Bonnie was there with her sisters, I was there with some work friends. I saw her sister Beth first who was lost and had made a wrong turn in the very crowded night club. In that brief moment where I saw Beth but she didn't see me, I have to admit that my brain went through a quick fight or flight scenario. All of a sudden, thankfully, Divine Mercy intervened as I was able to let go of feelings of bitterness, anger and resentment that had been festering during those five years apart, because, deep down, I still loved Bonnie, but felt hurt and abandoned by her after losing my dad. Thinking back, as we both attempted to move on with our lives separately, I still felt the crushing heartbreak when I discovered she had started dating again. Now back to the night club, I decided not to flee the scene and went after Beth to say hello, and she quickly said, "Bonnie's here, would you like to see her?" I thought, what do I have to lose? The moment of seeing Bonnie again was nothing short of a scene from a Hollywood film, as I moved closer to Bonnie, time seemed to slow down somewhat. The crowd slowly parting as I moved my way through the mass of people, finally, our eyes met again (although no splinter in my hand this time), the level of excitement and joy we both felt in that moment is truly difficult to describe; as I could see on her beautiful face, how excited she was to see me. The moment just as magical as that "splinter moment" from years before, but this time, with the addition of God's healing graces and mercies showering upon us.

Bonnie and I immediately fell back in love, and 14 short months later, we were married, and have been happily married for 11 years. God has blessed and graced our marriage with 5 beautiful children, who we love more than we could ever even imagine. As is the case however with a lot of young families, often couples lose sight and perspective of the love they once had for one another as they become task oriented, focusing on the pressures of parenthood, the needs of the children, as well as simply their love for their children, as well as being eternally sleep deprived. Ultimately, I found that in hindsight I had lost sight of some of my love and passion for Bonnie during these previous few years.

During this recent health scare where my wife developed a rapid heart rate, and had to have some urgent somewhat serious tests done, I was reminded again how vulnerable and sacred life really is, and that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. It caused me to question and reevaluate how I was loving and treating my wife on a daily basis. What I realized was that I could be doing so much more. This experience has reignited our love for one another as we now remember to place our relationship at the center of our family, as we have fallen in love with each other yet again, and this is why I can say with all that I am, that......I love my wife! I love Bonnie dearly.

Everyday moving forward, we continue to heal from the past, as we hold each other in the present, consecrating our future to our Lord and our God. May the Lord God continue to bless our marriage and our family, and may this reflection serve as a reminder or motivation to all of us, to hold your spouse, to love your spouse, and always remember that you are truly one with your spouse, and what God has brought together let no man or woman separate.

Jesus said, "But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Because of this, a man shall leave behind his father and mother, and he shall cling to his wife. And these two shall be one in flesh. And so, they are now, not two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Mark 10:6-9

May the blessings the Lord be with each of you. Peace in Christ, Amen.