St. Joseph: The Patron Saint of Fathers Who Feel Left Out

We put a lot on ourselves as fathers. We put even more on ourselves when we run into the common situation where our child favors our spouse. Common advice tells us that it’s perfectly normal, but it doesn’t take the pain away when we get the usual response of “I want mommy!”. We end up asking ourselves, what am I doing wrong as a father? It’s not so much what we’re doing that’s wrong, but how we’re looking at our role and St. Joseph sets the perfect example for how we should. 

Joseph is only mentioned 14 times in the gospels of Matthew, Luke and John and it’s mostly with regards to the nativity narrative in the gospels of Matthew and Luke. The only other time that Joseph plays an active part is in Luke’s gospel when he and Mary lose Jesus on their way home after celebrating Passover and they find him in the temple talking with priests and teachers of the law. Beyond this, we simply don’t hear the simple carpenter and foster father of Jesus mentioned ever again. Despite being mentioned so few times, he still plays a crucial role in the grand scheme of things.

He provides for his family, protects them from Herod during the massacre of the innocents, raises Jesus in their Jewish faith and teaches him his trade. Most importantly, he’s there for them regardless of how significant or insignificant he may seem, even when he and Mary lost Jesus and found him in the temple. Jesus’s words to his parents were “Did you not know that I must be in my father’s house?” (Luke 2:49). It’s easy to look with hindsight through a Christian lens at this and understand what Jesus is talking about, but his parents didn’t understand at the time and we as fathers could only imagine how Joseph must have felt. Nonetheless, his feelings came last compared to those he loved. 

John the Baptist expresses this same sentiment to his followers when they inform him everyone is going to Jesus to be baptized. He doesn’t care because that’s exactly what he wanted as he compares himself to being a best man whose only care is putting all the attention on the bridegroom, Jesus. (John 3:29-30) In the same way, if we feel like our child leans towards our spouse more than us, it’s important to remember we have a difficult and unique role as not just fathers, but men to give all our attention to our family and not let our own feelings get in the way, even if that means fading into the figurative background.

It’s this exact same type of true love that Paul famously talks about in his letter to the Corinthians when he says, “love is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). 

What we can do is use these moments to reflect on our own relationship with our heavenly father. There are plenty of times during the day that we probably don’t have enough fingers to count when God would love for us to take the time to sit down, talk and express our adoration for him, but we simply don’t. Nonetheless, through his grace, mercy and everlasting love as our divine father he is always there for us in our time of need. We need to use this same approach when our children show parental favoritism. 

Again, don’t take it personally. Remember you’re doing a great job and the small, but tremendously impactful role that St. Joseph, the patron saint of fathers and workers, played in Jesus and Mary’s life. Most importantly, remember how God is towards us in our daily life as the role of a father and continue to always be there for your family.