The Grand Illusionist

After a long day of cleaning my master’s house and waiting on his insufferable family, I found myself walking down an unfamiliar road. I did not recall this street in a town I had lived in my whole life. I was about to retrace my steps when I heard a crooning voice entreat me,

“Come into my house. Sit yourself down. Relax! Be at ease! Would you like to play a game? It’s really fun, I do insist.”

I found myself charmed. A rustic and pleasant looking abode was before me. It was a nice dwelling indeed. And he was so handsome and fair! Tall and majestic he looked, with a cane and top hat. Must be a gentleman, I thought. I was soon sitting before a cozy fire, quite entranced by the soft, melodic voice. Then the “game” began.

“I know your dreams. Let me show them to you”. With graceful, twirling movements of his deft hands, he drew smoke coming up from the fire toward him. He handled it, forming it to produce a hazy vision that soon became clearer as I drew closer. A luscious banquet appeared. Meats, wine, cheeses, and bread were all laid out. And such fine fruits! Pomegranates, oranges, pears, and many others with names I knew not. Then rows and rows of sweet delights! Chocolates, cakes, candies, all arranged in lovely, intricate patterns. Yes, I have been hungry. The weak fair of a peasant girl would no longer be mine. Yes, give me the feast of kings and let me eat!

“Ah! But wait, there’s more!” The smoke spun to reveal a new vision. I saw myself high on a hill, surrounded by exultant crowds. I stood regal and beautiful, the eyes of all stood transfixed. They began to chant my name, “Eve! Eve! Eve!” They were all under my power, these adoring fans. So long had I felt starved for attention. It was all here. Yes, I wanted it.

“Oh…but this one, I think you will find is the best…” The smoke swirled again, and my heart fluttered. A man lay in my arms. His gaze turned toward me and I read his passion, desire, and yearning for me. I was wanted. I felt loved. This, this I wanted more than anything. It was more than I could bear. A ravenous fire began to burn inside, that felt even warmer than the hearth beside me.

“You desire these, my dear?” the man softly spoke in my ear.

“Yes! Can you give them to me?” I replied.

“Oh, I certainly can,” he said smiling. “Just go back on out the door, and I think you will find life much more exciting”.

The visions still dancing in my head, I left the house, which seemed to have grown even during my brief visit. While the village around me seemed the same, I myself seemed to change drastically. My physical beauty held the town in awe, while my new powerful persona attracted the masses. I was worshipped by many and held in respect by all. Balls were held in my honor where the riches foods were presented before me. I ate and was happy. I drank and was satisfied. At least for a while...

Ah, but greater still, I believed I had found love. A noble young man, strong and handsome yearned for my beauty. He pursued me and I gave no chase. He rested in my arms and I yielded to every passion and craving that he stirred within me.

Yet the days passed… My beauty began to fade. My charm became stale. I ate, but became hungry again. I drank and still I thirsted. I longed for love, but he had found another, more beautiful and charming then I.

It happened all too soon it seemed. I was hungry again, hungrier than before. And I was simply me again, powerless and small. But worst, I was alone again, utterly alone and unloved. I knew it then, but I refused to admit it: I had failed and had been used. And that degrading feeling seemed even heavier than the others and the hardest one to lift. I slinked back to the magic man’s house. The dwelling seemed as if it had grown even larger, but in all its pomposity it was no longer as pleasant as it appeared the first time I stumbled into it. The doorway I now approached was a gaping maw, patiently awaiting a fresh morsel. The man no longer seemed innocent and charming. In fact, he became rude and abrasive, though no less capable at manipulating.

“Back again, eh? With your type it’s never long” he spoke, not attempting to hide his disgust.

“I’m hungry” I moaned, “and lonely…”

“HA! And let me guess…you want more” he said, leaving the word hanging there, and it sounded in my ears, like another promise of happiness.

“Yes” I said, though with less relish and excitement as before.

“Enjoy!” he shrieked and laughed maniacally, shoving me out the door.

I stuffed myself again. I rode the tide of power again. I made “love” again. The high was not as high, but the low was lower. I cried and wailed when it was all over. “This is life?!” I stood shouting at the starless sky. “I’m empty!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, then sunk to the ground and said much more softly with tears soaking the earth, “I’m empty…”

I awoke to a hazy yellow sky and dragged myself to the magic man’s house. It was the only place I knew to go. The house had doubled in size and was pitch black. Its shutters were closed and its wood was rotting. I would not have recognized it but the magic man stood in the doorway again. His face held a sneer that conveyed both humor at seeing me and…hatred. Yes, I could recognize it now. I had seen that same hatred long ago in the eyes of my master when I had spilled his good wine and I saw it now. But it seemed that the hatred of my master then, was but a shadow of the hatred and disgust plastered on the face of this devil now. Devil. The word came to me. Yes it fit. Devil…

“Look what the cat dragged in! No, wait… the cat wouldn’t dare drag in anything so damn ugly and awful as you! BAH!” His voice was no longer even the least bit shrouded in pleasant tones. It now only grated on the ears and inspired only loathing and fear. “Don’t worry! I know what you need… I can make it all better…this time it won’t take long…”

Immersed in dread, yet his words again held a promise. I knew it then this was the last stop. I was so low now too, that I didn’t care anymore. I entered freely into that house of visions, delusions, dreams, and promises, for the last time.

He spun the smoke from the fire again and I heard him quietly say, almost to himself “This is my greatest act, really. Greater than all the rest.” His pride could not help speaking this…and it proved to be his downfall.

As the smoke filled the room, a violent assault began. All the terrible moments of my past opened up before me. And in each vision here I was portrayed as a monster. I saw myself grotesque and enlarged gorging on rich foods. The devil came near and whispered, “Fat”. Then, I saw myself, cold and aloof, as a surrounding crowd bowed before me. “Proud” he whispered. Finally, I saw myself scantily clad, luring unwitting young men into my arms. “Whore” he spat. I dropped. I fell to the ground on my knees. “No! It’s not true!” I pleaded.

“Oh, it is true” he said, looking at me almost pityingly, “Shame really.”

“But you promised!” I cried.

“Promised? Promised what?

“That I would be happy!”

“Did I ever say that? I said I knew your dreams! I did! I gave them to you. You wanted them. You asked for them. I sadly provided.” He even sniffed a little as he said this. “No the guilty one is you.”

Then I entreated one whose name I had almost forgotten. “God don’t let it be!” I cried.

In demonic intonations he raged, “Don’t you dare say that name here! He has forsaken you! He hates you! Who would love you?” He paused and composed himself, then spoke, “You know it to be true. The game is up. It’s your last move.” Then he came softly upon me, his cold hands encircled my shoulders and he whispered ever so delicately in my ear, “Despair”.

Then I heard something new. It was a different voice. It was so quiet at first it was almost imperceptible. But it was sure and steady. Acting as a liquid drought or a gentle balm, It spoke, “Hope”. And an idea struck me. It was a lie. And I recalled his vain words spoken only moments ago: This is my greatest act, really. Greater than all the rest. It was an illusion. He was the Grand Illusionist. Then, I once more entreated, Him whom this villain so raged against. “God” I begged, “Have mercy on me, a sinner”. And I wept. Yet these were different tears. They were not tears of despair. They were tears of having hurt the only One whom I now knew could hear me and love me.

Oh the wretched cry that came out of the devil now! No human ears could rightly describe! And there before me in that awful room, he melted and the smoke cleared as rays of brilliant sunshine poured in from outside. The walls of the house shook and then burst around me. I was left in a clear green meadow in the middle of a spring day. There was no one around me, and indeed very little but flowers and sunlight did I see. Searching though for any explanation, I saw upon a hill a well. I no longer felt in danger, but only calm and peace. So I approached the well in wonder. As I neared I heard as much as felt a voice say, “It is good that you are here.”

“Yes” I smiled, “It is good”.

“Come to the well. Drink. It is good” the voice said again.

I approached and drank of the cool, clear water. My whole being felt refreshed, renewed. There was healing in body and soul. Life was given to me. A life, I felt that could, and would last forever.

“Father” I said, for I knew this too was true; this was my Father, “Father, I do not quite understand”.

“Yes daughter? What are you searching for?”

“That’s just it Father. I was searching, searching for happiness. As you created me with these desires, I tried to fill them. Why did you leave me empty?”

“I did create you with desires. But they could not be filled with what you were trying to fill them with. Don’t you see that you needed more? And not more of the same finite things, but something infinitely more real and more satisfying?”

“But then what was I truly looking for?”

“Now that, my child, is the question you have always needed to ask. Now behold! You will see what you have truly desired, and not the lies that were proposed to you.”

I remembered the vision of the banquet. Then I was taken to an upper room. There was indeed bread and wine seen there. Yet it was not truly bread and wine, for I heard the Word of God say “This is my Body... This is my Blood…given up for you…” I saw, I heard, and I knew. I had eaten before and was hungry, and I had drunk before and was left thirsting. This was the Heavenly Banquet. Here I was finally filled.

Again, I recalled the vision of power. I found myself at a very similar hill as appeared in the illusion, but the scene was strikingly different. The sun was eclipsed and on the top of the hill stood a Cross against the black sky. At the foot of this Cross I stood. In humble adoration as tears streamed down my face, I cried, “Holy! Holy! Holy!”

Lastly, I recalled the illusion of passionate love and I looked down in my arms. I gasped at what I saw. It was a babe. The God made man, resting at my breast. I closed my eyes and when I looked again, it was the crucified Christ lying in my arms. Once more I shut my eyes, and when I at last opened them, it was the Risen Lord, with wounded hands stretched out, who stood in front of me calling out, “This is Love”. He motioned for me to rest in His arms, “Come” he spoke as the Spirit given welled up within me. “Yes!” I cried out.

The Sun dawned that day on that hill in the meadow. Every last tear was wiped away. Every last promise found fulfillment. Heaven and Earth rejoiced.