A Little Quiet. Please.

My New Melleray Abbey Experience.

I negotiated the weekend with my family. I am a fan of Thomas Merton and wanted to have a glimpse at the monastic life. The quiet was appealing to me also. To suggest this is a bit of a stretch for me is quite an understatement. I generally like to keep my worship experiences familiar, and this would definitely be unfamiliar (Hand holding, foot washing, Eucharist in the mouth--They all give me heart palpitations.)

After a brief panic attack the night before, I left. (I have never left my family for that long unattended.) The ride was uneventful, although I did make it to Iowa for the first time. Upon arrival, we were greeted by Fr. Jonah, the Guest Master and given our room numbers and a layout of the building--chapel, food, etc. After unpacking, it was time to get down to business. (Did I really think I'd need a Bible in a monastery? There wouldn't be any laying around?)

Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! I long for quiet. I am always being pulled at for attention and responsibilities. I seem to be constant movement. (Are you feeling me?) Mercifully, my phone didn't have a signal. Now, let me get some quiet. I'll go for a walk that will give me some quiet. I admired some really big maple leaves, crunched in the leaves and sat under a pine canopy. Still I am unable to find quiet. I'll go inside and read some Merton. He has too many thoughts and ideas. No quiet. Let me move on to vespers in the chapel. I've never been. Maybe this will bring some quiet. I listened to relaxing chant in the Guest area of the chapel. Better, but still not quiet. Next we ate a modest dinner eaten in silence. (Crap! I spoke to somebody! Now I'm thinking about that!) After dinner, a talk was presented by Fr. Jonah about the discrepancies between belief and behavior. (Oh great, now I have more to think about!) It's time for compline. Only the guest area of the chapel was lit up, the rest is completely dark. The dark is filled with chant and guitar music, it reminded me of a lullaby. A few lights came on, and one of the monks opens the gate that separates the monks from the guests. The office ends with a sprinkling of Holy Water, which I missed because of my inhibition. (A sloppy wet kiss good night from the Church.)

I stayed in the chapel until everyone left and it was dark again. Just God and I in a sacred space, which was heavy with prayers. I'll send one up too, "Can I sit with You for awhile?" Finally. Quiet.