The Expectation of Perfection
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Forgiving should be easy enough. Right? We should find it easy to forgive others. I say “should” because maybe it isn’t all that simple. Simple or not, Jesus forgives all of us by the second, by the minute, by the hour. But what exactly does forgiveness mean?
The Catholic Church is a lot of things, it also is in the “forgiveness business”. Does that mean we should be forgiving everyone for everything? Well, yea, that is what Jesus teaches us to do. Is it easy? No. Nobody ever said being Catholic was supposed to be easy. It sure wasn’t easy for Our Lord as he proclaimed His ministry for the last 3 years of His life. Did he quit, of course not. When he was called names, when he was spat upon, and when he died on the cross for us, he forgave. Could you have reacted that way? I am not sure I could have. I have failings just like all of us. We all try. And we all fail sometimes. And Jesus forgives us, nonetheless.
Many years ago, while working as an HR professional, I made an error in not properly notifying someone of a change in a job assignment for them. This error was a beauty. I was convinced my days at my company were over and that I’d be terminated or duly punished. I waited and waited and waited. Fortunately, for me, I had built a reputation for being an employee who rarely made these kinds of errors. While I waited, and every time I thought about the error, I made that mistake again in my mind. And before I knew it, I made a thousand mistakes, when clearly, I had made it only one time.
Looking back at it now, I needed to find a way to forgive myself and remind myself that I was a human being just like all those around me with the same imperfections. So, what happened? The Plant Manager talked with me about it, and rightfully so. But what I was so fearful of, never came to be. We worked it out. Not only was I forgiven, but I learned a lesson. Acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, forgive yourself, then move on. If you don’t learn to forgive yourself, it will eat you alive. Life is about lessons learned. Years later, a friend made a horrible mistake for which he continued to kick himself. I told him this story. I like to think this story helped him through a time of punishing himself.
If you are one who has a hard time forgiving yourself, you are not alone. I am one who kicks myself for days and weeks over what some would say are small errors. But if you are like me, and hold yourself to very high expectations, then making even small mistakes in life is incredibly hard to accept. We are generally harder on ourselves than others are. I take great comfort in knowing that Jesus forgives me for both the big and small transgressions. And with His forgiveness, I feel like I owe Him the effort to do my best to avoid them in the first place.
Mistakes are part of your past and your future. I believe the sooner we all accept we are not perfect, the more peaceful your life will be. I say all the time, “I can’t change the past, but I sure can change the future”.
I have also found that the mistakes I make are generally a bigger deal to me than to others. Give yourself a break. As I have said in a previous article, Jesus wants us to be kind, be just, act with humility and love each other. And I am one to believe that if you love, then forgiveness is part of that package.
What about the sins of others who hurt you? Do you forgive easily? Or do you make it hard on others and yourself by being angry? Do everyone a favor. Try forgiving.
Mistakes happen. Our Lord doesn’t place conditions on small mistakes versus big ones or intentional ones. I am sure he wants all of us to love instead of intentionally doing wrong or hurting others. But that doesn’t mean his forgiveness is held back. We need to own our actions and the earthly consequences of mistakes. Forgiveness is clearly a choice for all of us. We can continue to hate and be angry over the hurt we may receive from others, or we can forgive and move on.
Thirteen years ago, when I had to make the sorrowful choice to end my marriage, I remember being angry, miserable, and unpleasant to be around. This went on for months. Then one day, I read something that helped me like nothing else had. I could be angry all I wanted, but it wasn’t going to change a thing. So, what was all this self-pity accomplishing? Not a thing. So, following the period of time involving the legalities, I remember sitting with my ex-husband, and although I didn’t use the word “forgive” with him, I told him I’d be fine. I truly remember feeling such a sense of relief. I forgave him privately in my heart. That was the best thing I could do at the time for me. And I became happier following that acknowledgement. I let it go. I moved on.
Regardless of the reason, forgiveness can be a release. Like it is said in the musical, The Sound of Music, “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window”. You can thank Our Lord for the freeing of your heart. What does hate or being angry do for you? Not a thing. You are unhappy. You make those around you unhappy. Nobody wins but the evil one sitting on your shoulder.
Recently, I wrote an article on the gift of “humility”. Somehow, I think of humility and forgiveness as friends. I feel like humility can lead to forgiveness and forgiveness can lead to humility. I’ve had the chance to see both friends up close and it has changed me.
Perhaps you can make friends with both. Jesus will reward you for it and you will be happier.
I am not a professional writer. But I love Jesus and I had enjoyed writing articles for our parish bulletin until space became an issue. I now write for me, but would like to continue to share my thoughts with others. A friend and priest has always encouraged me to write and find an avenue to share my thoughts.
