Is "Positivity" Hurting the Pro-Life Cause?

"The truth will set you free.” These are the words of Jesus, but are some of us afraid of the truth...or at least some truths? Unplanned pregnancy is one of the toughest issues facing us today, but a well-intentioned exclusively positive approach might be detracting from the true and beautiful message of life.

First let's acknowledge that unplanned pregnancy is not just an issue of the unmarried or the unchurched. Married Catholic women agonize and are tempted over unplanned pregnancies, but are often afraid to acknowledge – let alone seek support in – this situation. But aren't babies blessings? Isn't procreation the primary purpose of marriage? Yes, but getting married doesn't turn Joe and Jane Smith into Wonder-Woman and Super-Man......much less into Mary and St. Joseph. The point being that even married Catholics have human needs and crises in the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual realms, which means that being a married Catholic is no guarantee that you'll always be at a point where, humanly speaking, you're in any way ready to bring another child into the world.

Now take women in other circumstances – without a stable relationship, without a foundation of faith, without financial stability, and the list goes on. How can we preach the pro-life message to anyone if we're not vocal in acknowledging the real difficulties of pregnancy and parenthood? Clearly, many in the pro-life movement work day-in and day-out to address these very difficulties, in particular the generous individuals who staff crisis pregnancy centers. However, in the world of pro-life articles, blogs, and speeches, it can seem that all we hear about is the beauty of new life, the wonder of motherhood, the availability of helpful resources, etc. These are true and important messages, but they are not really the whole story.

How can a woman in crisis trust the pro-life community to support her if that community comes across as being in denial about the heart-breaking challenges she may be facing? I know that married Catholic women have felt there is no place in the Catholic community for an admission of the fear, depression, anxiety, and even anger that they may be feeling about a surprise pregnancy. If our own feel this way, how can we expect abortion-minded women to see the Catholic community as the face of Christ,who is unafraid to acknowledge the reality of difficulties, of unpleasant feelings, of seemingly hopeless situations? If we are confident that Jesus has, and is, the answer for even the most “impossible” situations, we can fearlessly recognize these situations even as we offer a message of life and support.

On the face of it, it might seem smarter to focus on only the uplifting aspects of parenthood in hopes of sparing a woman and unborn baby the tragedy of abortion, but I'm not sure this is a savvy move in reality. For one thing, people are already hearing other voices that are affirming, if not focusing on, the “crisis” aspect of an unplanned pregnancy. Won't those presenting an alternative approach actually be more credible if they consistently face all the problems and still offer hope and life?

The issue of unplanned pregnancy itself seems to be one that many Catholic pro-life writers don't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. With artificial birth control and abortion off the table, do Catholic pro-life writers even have anything to offer? Yes, but this fact is drowned out on one side by those who write off NFP as immoral “Catholic birth control” and on the other by those who scoff at NFP as too hard and not effective anyway. Here again, if we really believe what we say we believe, that NFP is a better alternative to artificial family planning methods, how can we feel comfortable staying out of this discussion? And as far as NFP being morally suspect, an honest reading of Humanae Vitae and other Church documents will only reveal that the Church considers responsible parenthood a duty, not a weakness. (Neither this point nor the term “unplanned pregnancy” is meant to imply criticism of couples who are in a position to prudently and generously welcome children without specific “planning” of each conception.)

A great place to start would be to boldly address the uncomfortable causes of many unplanned pregnancies, as well as the issue of Catholics who believe it is wrong to limit family size through NFP for any reason short of imminent death. I believe the pro-life movement will get a real boost in credibility when we begin to hear more Catholic voices denouncing domestic abuse, the misogyny that still prevails in certain aspects of society, and the misinterpretations of Scripture that basically consider a spouse a sex slave to the whims and passions of the other. It is a tremendous problem that there are educated, practicing Catholic women who feel they have no choice in the matter of when and how often they get pregnant. And this sad reality simply feeds the idea that the Church disrespects women and is stuck in the Dark Ages...an idea that causes some to reject the pro-life message without giving it a hearing. What makes this even more tragic, is that Pope John Paul II addresses many of these issues in his writings, and yet so much of the American Catholic community seems to be missing out on his teaching. However, his approach may be the key we need to find common ground between pro-life groups and feminists who are motivated by genuine concern for the welfare of women.

But in the clamor of the conservative Catholic blogosphere, in moms' groups, from the pulpit, how often is actual Catholic teaching presented on these matters? We need to start hearing loud and clear that objectifying your spouse is wrong. That decisions about procreation and family size need to be made with BOTH prudence and generosity. That these must be decisions made by the COUPLE, not by one hormone-driven spouse. The conservative Catholic world needs to unapologetically affirm that it IS a problem for a wife to be pressured or coerced into getting pregnant or to feel that her Catholicism demands that she procreate even when her reason tells her that it would be irresponsible. Of course a baby is a precious gift – and a person with human rights – regardless of the circumstances of conception, but we have to be talking about all the issues – the urgent need to protect unborn babies, as well as the need to promote generous and responsible parenthood and the importance of addressing ongoing attacks on the dignity of women. As a mother who has suffered through miscarriages, I wholeheartedly believe that abortion itself is a tragic attack on the dignity of a mother, so these are really all pieces of one puzzle. With this in mind, while working to help moms and unborn babies in crisis, let's not fail to recognize the painful realities that many of them face, as well as the other attacks on women's dignity, even those that sometimes come from within the Catholic community itself.