How Many are Missing?

Sollie loves to sit and look out our front door. He sits in his wheelchair at the tender age of two and peacefully looks outside while making soft contented sounds. He has been having some massive seizure activity lately. Some days, I can't help but wonder how long he will be with us. It pierces me through when the thought even crosses my mind. He is so worth it. He is so loved. I am so grateful that his mother chose to give him life, despite the circumstances of his conception and the initial diagnosis of anencephaly. She was told he had no brain. Even if they were right, the outcome would not change.

He has about half of his brain. I found out as I landed in the Orlando airport. We were not going to be setting up hospice, we were going to be navigating a complicated diagnosis. Having kids at home already with neuro diagnosis, we knew that he would not have an easy road. We brought him home. He screamed, seized and threw up for the first 7 months. We held him. We kissed him. We rocked him. We loved him more everyday.

That is a miraculous grace. One that we asked for. He is not expendable. He is not meant to be extinguished because his state here makes us squirm. He is Solomon. His suffering is not in vein. He finds joy, so it's our responsibility to do the same in his honor. How many Sollies are we cutting short? How many miracles are we deciding are not worth living? How many are we missing? A lot.

My heart is heavy tonight. Those babies in those Planned Parenthood videos are my children. Oh Jesus, have mercy. Help us love those moms. They are still mothers, but mothers of dead children. So am I. Isaac and miscarriages made me that. We are the same. It doesn't matter how we got there. We are all grieving in our own way. Tread lightly. Love well. Show them that there is another choice. Share your experiences. Extend grace always, for yourself and for those with whom you share your walk, even if only for a moment.

No shouting. No judging. No anger. We are letting our differences divide us. It is working. I have never experienced such division among genuinely good people, believing they are fighting for good. Our world is broken and we live here together. Hold on to each other when the world shakes us. It's the only way.