Do I Expect My Typical Children to be Responsible for my Special Needs Children?

Do I expect my typical children to be responsible for my special needs children later in life?! NO. I do not expect them to. I hope and pray everyday that Doug and I raise their hearts as such that they naturally, willingly, and with a joyful heart love their siblings well, both as children and as adults.

Why do we phrase "loving well" as "being responsible?" If we love someone well, do we not want the very best for them? I would be deeply grieved if my typical children went into the world to "pursue their own interests" while leaving their siblings to linger somewhere. Among our own interests, the first and foremost pursuit should always be loving well. No other pursuit can be done for good if you are not loving well. This is the plague of our country. We go into the world to pursue love of our ego, while leaving our parents in nursing homes and children in institutions.

The lack of homes for special needs children is because they call forth sacrifice. Nursing homes are full because keeping grandma home requires sacrifice. Our culture is set up for this kind of lifestyle. We have to work in order to pay the bills. We try to visit grandma on the weekends. It feels like a chore because we are so very tired from all of the working. Mothers sign over rights to their children because they don't have the support to take care of them. What if we worked less, had less, did less so that we could love well?

Nursing homes would be empty. Orphanages and institutions would echo silence. We would live in joy and community while listening to our elders share their knowledge. We would soak in the Son as we rock our babies to sleep. We would be covered in grace even while feeding our elders, giving medications, bathing and changing, and yes, being present during illness and most of all, death. We are scared of death and suffering, when really that is where pure grace lives. It lives as we give up control.

Grace lives in the place where we can do nothing. From the outside, our life looks terrifying. We have no control. No one does really, but our children guarantee it. They remind us of it everyday. Grace lives here everyday. Loving well IS the answer.