Obedience as Love

In our modern culture ruled by individualism, “love” is often understood to mean “accept me as I am and don’t put any demands on me.”

Why would someone ask me to change if they “love” me unconditional? Why do I need to be who they want me to be and do what they want me to do? Why don’t they just take me as I am?

Indeed, limiting a person’s freedom is generally acknowledged to be a bad things.

However, while love requests action, it does not force it. The decision to obey or ignore the request is left to the free will of the beloved. In Love and Responsibility, Pope St. John Paul II tells us, “Love consists of a commitment which limits one’s freedom- it is a giving of the self, and to give oneself means just that: to limit one’s freedom on behalf of another.”

Obedience, then, is an expression of reciprocating love. As Catholics, our commitment to and love of limits our freedom, insofar as we are bound by the Ten Commandments and the teachings of the Catechism. We acknowledge that we cannot simply live our lives however we wish, and that when we choose our own desires over that of God’s teachings, it is a rejection of His Love.

Here are four ways which obedience is an expression of love:

• Obedience shows respect for the other. This is not a hard concept. By obeying the laws, you show respect for authority. By obeying your parents, you show respect for the fact they raise, feed, clothe and love you. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship, whether it be romantic, familial or platonic in nature.

• Obedience is an admission of humility. In obedience, we acknowledge that it’s not all about us. We acknowledge that maybe the one who loves us wants to keep us from harming ourselves. We acknowledge that perhaps they desire what’s best for us, and maybe we don’t always know what is best for us because we are fallen human beings with a tendency towards selfishness. Love calls us beyond selfishness.

• Obedience requires you to choose self-denial. Love is a challenge. In loving another person, you are constantly called outside of yourself. A wise religious sister once told me that love is not a feeling, but a decision made in spite of feelings. A tired mother probably doesn’t “feel” like getting up to change her infant in the middle of the night, but she does so because she loves her child. These little self-denials are challenging, and they force us to grow. To quote my favorite saint again, John Paul II, “There is no place for selfishness- and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.”

• Jesus said so. Check out John 14. In verse 21, Jesus says, “Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me.” He actually repeats this sentiment three times within the chapter, and even specifies in verse 24, “Whoever does not love me, does not keep my words.”

When we find ourselves like King David, asking, ”How can I make a return to the Lord for all the great good done for me?” (Psalm 116:12) The answer is found in Christ’s command to His disciples: in humble obedience, in taking up our cross to follow after Him.

It’s not easy to be obedient to Christ and the Church in a fallen world. Many people take comfort by saying, “Jesus loves me as I am. He knows I am a sinner and He loves me anyway.” This is true, but if we are moved by His love and mercy for us, we are called to act. We are called to conversion. We are called to respond in love and humble obedience.

Jesus, in giving Himself up for us on the cross, shows us the model of true love: obedience to the point of dying to self (Phil 2:8.) We are called to do the same in our love for one another as neighbors, as family members, as spouses, and as those choosing to follow the footsteps of Christ.