Bringing children to Mass

I read a recent article by Amanda Knapp also on Catholic365 where she explains why she brings her small children to the Mass. I agree with her in that the reason we bring our children to Mass is to meet God, not as an after thought, but as the primary reason. Execution, however, can vary widely depending on the temperament of the children and the parents.

My husband and I approach the conundrum differently. We have five children. An 11, 4, 3, and 2 year old along with an 6 month old. We make sure the 11, 4 and 3 year old go every Sunday and the occasional weekday, so that there is not the notion that this is "just a Sunday thing". The 6 month old went with me when she was young enough to be pacified by suckling. Now, the youngest two stay home with one parent while the other goes to Mass. We look for two signs before deciding a child is ready to go to Mass. It doesn't matter in which order they develop.

One sign is the ability to whisper and to whisper when prompted to whisper. The second sign involves watching a movie. Our family gave up television 7 years ago but occasionally we put a movie in and do a Family Movie Night. When the young ones can sit through an entire movie without losing interest or without frequent interruptions or excessive fidgeting, we take this as an indication that they are almost ready to go with the family on Sundays.

We start out by taking them infrequently so habits don't form. This might seem counter-intuitive because we want the habit of going to Mass to be instilled don't we? The problem is that when children are very young they are more likely to develop bad habits first. Since they get more of our attention when they do something they're not supposed to do they attach to those things more quickly. These initial trips to Mass are to teach them how to behave. We go without the brothers and sisters so they aren't distracted by them and sit close to the front so they can watch what is going on. Now this means there's a good chance your young child will take off running down the aisle, dart toward the altar, let out the occasional scream or talk as loudly as they can. You have to be willing to graciously accept the looks of sympathy and understanding and smile at those who sneer.

The little ones never successfully sit through the Mass as quietly as we might like, but they will sit through the Mass. Next they start going with their siblings. Since they're the youngest they want to do everything their brothers and sisters do, so we use this innate desire to mimic to our advantage. This does add another level of complexity though, and requires that one pay closer attention to the older children, since another potential play mate has been added. Still, it works more often then not.

Finally, no one is allowed food or toys because with this many children you're inviting a fight. We ask they only bring their imaginations. I am honored to have attended Mass with princesses, knights and dragons! Even Spiderman and Batman have made an appearance! All thanks to my lovely children. Ultimately the question of when to bring children to the Mass should be left to the parents. Whether the parents choose to bring them from the day they're born forward, whether they split duties, or whether they wait until there is no question that they can sit through an entire Mass, other parishioners, especially other parents, need to respect those decisions. Some parents have it together, some don't. Some children need extra time to adjust, while others don't. The parish is responsible for supporting the family. The choices are not 1) everyone has to deal with everything noisy children do, or 2) children shouldn't be allowed at Mass until they are perfectly quiet. If a child is being to noisy, ask the parents if you can sit next to the child and help guide them through. If there are 4 children to 1 adult offer to sit with them. If you just need "your time" with God, move further away or try another Mass. Remember, it will be easier for you to move than for them.