Just Keep Swimming

I haven't been able to write for at least a week.

The temptations are coming in all forms now.

It is a whirlwind of distractions, busyness, injuries, car issues and of course plumbing problems. It is all par for the
course.

Those are just the external temptaions! When you add in the interpersonal temptations from
misunderstandings and hurt feelings, to how to handle everyday situations and if you're lucky enough, one of your
children will also be giving you a run for your money. It's the perfect storm!!!

I keep walking, praying, moving forward while I feel discouraged, dissapointed and disallutioned. It seems everyday
it is revealed to me that although I think I am on the right path, I may have been been deluding myself. This type of
temptation is the worst kind of all as it makes one question past choices, decisions and compency.

I can feel myself withdrawing, wanting to hide, to give up and not go. Who needs to see the Pope anyway. I
propably wont even get close. Thoughts of maybe all these things are a sign that something horrible is going to
happen, perhaps a terror attack like 911. After all, Philadelphia will have the most Catholic Chistians in one place
at any given time.

Small, almost unoticable, flashes of clarity provide seconds of peace amidst the chaos and confusion are the only
things that keeps me hoping that we will be in Philadelphia and safe!!

Total abandoment to the will of God is hard! Accepting that we really do not know, that we must keep walking in
faith with the information that we have, making the best decisions that we are capable of at the time.

I vacilate between going and not going. One day I'm fine with the decision to stay home and the next I'm pissed
because all of these distractions are not only clouding my view but my husband's view as well. It's a mess really. But with
work deadlines and teenage rebellion, is it wise to take time for ourselves, and continue our Spiritual Pilgrimage?

I recognize the temptation in the seeming virtue, you know the one; I will sacrifice my plans for the sake of the
greater good...i.e work and family obligations that do present valid points!!!!

So today, one week before we are to leave, I decide to wipe baseboards. It is my way of praying through a situation,
as my hands work my mind is free to evaluate, ponder and go numb before the Lord. It brings me a sense of peace;
doing mundane work. I can look at the situation, not as a participant but as an observer, and see the very real
spiritual battle and all the little baits I took to help add to the confusion and chaos. Don't get me wrong, they are
real situations that need to be addressed but when viewed through the spiritual lense, I can see a solution.

Trust, that's the solution. Trust!

I am so very bad at trusting the Lord! This is a sobering thought as I "think" I trust Him completely! Admitting
this out loud is freeing.

In my own warped way, I rationalize, I don't have to trust Him...I just have to follow Him.