Give Me Strength to Trust

I recently spoke with a priest, telling him that I found myself lacking in trust of God - I am too afraid to let go. I told him that I like to write in my journal, that it helps me feel better. He suggested that I write what God's response to me might be. I wrote this letter to God from the heart, and I wrote what I thought Jesus would say in response to me. I hope these letters give you hope and the courage to trust. Always remember that even when the world fails you, God won't. Place your trust in Him.

God, I've realized that one of my problems is a lack of trust. I like to be in control always so I can feel safe and make sure everything works out like I want it to. But I want to place my trust in You. I want you to be in control (as You are), but it's so hard to let go. I'm so afraid. I remember when I was little and always wanted to go with Mom everywhere because I was afraid she would get in a car accident, and I thought that it would be better to be with her if it happened than at home unsure of whether she was okay or not. I'd stand at the window watching, waiting for her van to pull in, so afraid she wouldn't make it back. I would clear the area around the heaters and move things out of the way so nothing would catch on fire and so Mommy wouldn't trip. But the truth is, if You wanted her then, You still could have taken her. I was never really in control – it was always You. So why don't I stop fighting and hand You my trust? Your plans are greater than anything than I could fathom anyway.

Speaking of plans, is “Garrett” in mine? I really, really like him, Lord, but I'm afraid to trust my own judgment. Just two years ago, I was willing to settle for someone who wasn't even Catholic. Not that Garrett has any major faults that stick out to me - I'm just afraid that I'm in love with the thought of him and the thought of being loved more that I am in love with him. So I don't want to cheapen the statement “I love him” by saying it seriously until I am sure, but I really like him. He's so wonderful. It's like You're showing me what I've waited for, what I deserve; like you're telling me this is why I should never settle. And I am so grateful, God – I've needed this. But, God, am I just going to be crushed in the end? You know how I feel about him – but what if he doesn't feel the same? It just came to me! I was thinking how I have no real control over this – of course not! - and this is my chance to trust You. Not trust that You'll give him to me but trust that whatever You know to be best will happen. Maybe I wouldn't be good for him, maybe we wouldn't make each other happy, maybe You have another woman in mind for him, maybe You have someone even better in mind for me, or maybe You don't even want me to get married. Whatever Your plan, Lord, I want to trust You. I know it may be hard, and it may make me sad for a time, but I know the end result will be the perfection that can only be worked by Your hands.

What Jesus spoke to my heart:

I love you. It's okay. You're okay. I am with you. You are never alone. I only want the best for you. I came to earth to die for you, and I would do it again if that would help you. I am always here, even when you can't feel me. It's okay that you don't have all the answers because I do. Trust Me. I know what I'm doing. You're in good hands. I know sometimes you find it hard to understand Me and My decisions, but I promise you, I am doing what is best for you. Let me. Let me in. Don't be afraid to let love in. I know you're afraid that the more you love, the more you can be hurt, but that's why love is so powerful. Because you have to live in the moment and appreciate what you have and not take anything for granted. Because it is something greater than yourself and makes you realize that you would die for someone you love because you care so much about them. Like I did for you. Because you can be so weakened by love for someone, you can find the greatest strength – overcoming or suffering your greatest fears because you want to help someone you love. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Anything worth having comes at a risk or at a price – but it's always worth it. Remember, you're not in this alone. And don't put yourself down. You're worth it. I died for you. You're beautiful. Every day I see you struggle, and I know it's for me, and I feel my heart squeeze in its chest, and a bit of the pain of the day I was crucified begins to fade away. And I am so proud that I died for you. I watch you grow and guide you and cheer you on every step of the way. I can see your pain – I know your pain. But remember, this pain is only of this life. Please don't give up, my beloved. I want to hug you in Heaven and introduce you to the angels. I love you, and I want to bring you home. I am with you, but I want you with me.