Finding Hope in Times of Despair

As I sit with my head buried in my hands, my knees pressed close to my chest, tears of sheer hopelessness stream down my face into puddles on the hardwood floor of my closet. I envelope myself in the darkness while I close my eyes, waiting for someone or something to rescue me from the a pit of despair. I call out and I reason my cries must be heard, then wait in wonder if my problem will be rectified. I deliberate on whether or not to say a prayer. For if I pray the rosary repetitively, I’d lack the staunch confidence in Christ to alleviate my suffering which grossly undermines his role as our Creator. For if I do not pray, I fear I cannot demonstrate the sincerity of my piety and humbleness that arises in my relationship with Him.
 
Regardless of our own internal conflict, God wants us to ask for his counsel. He is knocking on the door and awaiting us to invite him into our house should we hear his voice (Revelation 3:20). Our house in a disarray of chaos, deceit, and sin. I’ve learned that God will come. But just because God is there, it doesn’t mean He will completely take away the pain or grant us our deepest desires. One fundamental premise of our faith is to never abandon hope should God either eradicate pain or require us to experience it intensely.
 
Usually the pain that we experience as Christians is a result of deviating from God’s plan for our lives. Pain easily extinguishes hope. But how can we remain hopeful when we see chaos unraveling before our eyes despite doing our best to act in accordance with God’s will? Perhaps you’re that good Catholic who goes to church every Sunday coupled with visiting the sacrament of confession nearly every other day. You say copious amount of prayers. Yet, you are still corrupted by fear and distrust. You’re frustrated because you want to carry out the specific will that God has for your life, but you cannot seem to discern it with complete accuracy.
 
To experience God’s will for our life is to be met with a circumstance that you may perceive as favorable or unfavorable. Although your circumstance may be perceived as positive or negative, it is ultimately meant to strengthen you and provides you with peace and prosperity (Jeremiah 29:11). If a favorable circumstance is synonymous with our own desire, then we most likely feel whole in knowing we are discerning God’s will and living according to virtue. However when our circumstance lacks grandiosity and satisfaction, we feel demoralized, confused, and unsure of our own faith as a result of allowing God to take control.
Only God fully understands the favorability of the circumstance that He provides for us even when we cannot. Sometimes our favorable circumstance is thwarted by the free will of nefarious individuals that God never had planned to affect us. Or we, ourselves, can easily sabotage our destined path due to selfish desires. Regardless of whether or not we are accurately following God’s plan for our lives, He will correct and refine it as long as he sees us making a conscious effort to pursue one that we believe He desires.
 
In order to carry us through a time of uncertainty and questioning, we can take comfort in knowing that God has made a promise to never abandon us. Even though we cannot audibly hear or tangibly sense his presence, He rests within our hearts where the intensity of his love can be felt as a sense of peace or, paradoxically, a sense of despair. The degree of those emotions—good or bad—provides us with confidence that God will intervene in our lives, and his intervention is a symbol of his love for humanity.
 
One way to experience God’s intervening presence in your life when it seems virtually impossible, is to anchor yourself in His immense love for you. The love that he demonstrated when he sacrificed himself on the cross for our salvation, or the one that you have personally experienced by Him. If you have never experienced God’s love as a Christian, then it’s unlikely that you would be praying or visiting the sacraments in the darkest of times. That is the very definition of hope – belief that our circumstance will ultimately become favorable due to that very same occurrence in the past. Thus, you cannot cultivate His love for you unless you have never felt it intensely to begin with – whether that be through the emotional intensity resulting from conscious awareness of Christ’s virtuous actions or by remembering His presence in your life in the past. It is this love that affects us most deeply, compelling us to become and remain a member of Christianity. And it is His love that will carry you through the most difficult of times.