The Romance of NFP Part 1: Why NFP is Beautiful and Romantic

By Melayna Alicea

NFP is misunderstood by Catholics all over the world, some who view it as a sin to practice, others who say the church’s teaching on abstinence is silly and outdated. Neither of these claims are accurate, and it is my firm belief that we need to do a better job at explaining the romance within the proper practice of NFP. 

Even though I am tempted to dive more into the Theology behind NFP, that may have to be a part of my monthly apologetics series. The purpose of this article is to express some of the beauty within right-ordered NFP practice. Ultimately, I hope you take these four things away from this article. 

One, NFP is not easy. It is really hard, but it is within this trial, that your relationship will grow. It will grow in ways that people using contraceptive or sterilization techniques will never have the opportunity to grow. 

Two, NFP allows us to reverence the sexual act, not abuse it, and to constantly be willing to sacrifice for the betterment of the other which is a requirement for true love.

Three, NFP forces us to change our view of fertility from how society has taught us to view it (one-sided) to a beautiful, shared gift among spouses.

Four, NFP provides a better understanding of the woman’s body which then allows for the feminine genius and masculine genius to be better revered. 

To fully elaborate on this would take at least a novel, if not many. My goal is to ignite some interest, so you can further delve into why NFP is promoted by the church, and why it is so beautiful.

Now, when I say that NFP is romantic, I am in no way implying that it is easy. NFP is hard. It requires sacrifice, but real love takes sacrifice. It requires the freedom of self-control. Venerable Fulton J. Sheen is known to have said “Freedom does not mean the right to do whatever we please, but rather to do as we ought. The right to do whatever we please reduces freedom to a physical power and forgets that freedom is a moral power.” This is the true definition of freedom regardless of what the media spits in our face. 

If the couple has prayerfully discerned a need to avoid pregnancy, NFP requires that the couple practice abstinence during the fertile time of a woman’s cycle. 

As Catholic Christians, we are called to practice abstinence before marriage. Why? To respect the dignity of the human person. Through the sacrament of marriage, we experience fully what it means to become one with another person. Abstaining outside of marriage helps to protect the unity of marriage and prevents us from using each other. 

When we practice NFP intending to avoid pregnancy, we are called to practice abstinence within marriage as well. This again helps us to honor the dignity of another person. We are willing to sacrifice for the needs of our family whether that be mental or physical health needs, financial needs, or some other need. We choose to honor the dignity of the person, recognizing our shared fertility. We then make the loving sacrifice of self-control over our physical desires to better serve the needs of our family.

The period of abstinence can be a beautiful gift that reminds us of the sanctity of the sexual act. We are not tempted to view sex as a right, or even as merely a pleasurable experience. Rather, sex remains in its rightful place as a selfless gift of ourselves that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. 

Even while using NFP to avoid pregnancy, sex can be all four of these things: free, total, faithful, and fruitful because we are not keeping anything from the other person. We are saying I give myself freely to you. I give myself totally to you. (I am not hindering the work of God through carcinogenic, abortifacient contraceptives). I am faithful to you and faithfully trusting God. Finally, I am giving myself fruitfully to you, knowing that we will bear fruit through this act in our marriage even if it is not physically through a child. 

Sex is meant for unification and procreation. We are not hindering either of these purposes of sex through using NFP because we are always saying “I give myself fully to you.” We are never saying “I give myself to you, just not my fertility” which is what the physical use of contraceptives expresses.  

Another beautiful aspect of abstinence within marriage is it forces the couple to remember to engage in other areas of their romantic relationship. The Creighton Model of NFP teaches the acronym SPICE. This stands for Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative, and Emotional. When a couple utilizes SPICE in their relationship, they are remembering to grow closer together in every area of their relationship, and their specific love language needs are met. 

Love and marriage are not just about sex. Sex, although beautiful and sacred, is only one-way spouses are meant to express their love to each other. This need for the use of SPICE within NFP is an incredible way to recognize how versatile we can be in how we show love to one another. It also provides space to “spice” up our relationships every day, week, and month. 

Possibly my favorite part of NFP is the recognition of shared fertility. Some NFP models emphasize this more than others, but in general, the ultimate goal of NFP is for couples to acknowledge the gift of their shared fertility. 

I would argue that this is one of the things that makes NFP so pro-woman. Even though women are often the ones making the observations, men can be in charge of handling the charting of those observations. This keeps husband and wife communicating together on their state of fertility and monthly intentions. It also keeps the burden off of the woman. She is not alone in the decision to avoid or conceive. She is not alone in the understanding of her fertility. And better yet, she is not alone in putting harmful chemicals into her body to sterilize her fertility. 

Because of this component of shared fertility, both spouses are forced to have a greater understanding of the woman’s body. Oftentimes, couples who utilize NFP have a better understanding of the woman’s reproductive system than her OB/GYN. This is due to the “pill only” education many obstetricians receive. (I want to point out that this is very much a result of the culture of death and obsession with population control in our society, but I digress. We will discuss this in a later article). 

I have found that couples who embrace the knowledge of shared fertility and understanding of the woman’s cycle, have stronger relationships and respect for one another. 

As Catholics, we are not called to all have as many babies as possible. Children are always a gift, always unique and unrepeatable, willed and wanted, regardless if we planned them or not. However, the belief that we are supposed to have as many babies as possible is inaccurate. Some families are called to have multiple children, others not as many. This is up to the prayerful discernment between husband, wife, and God on how to best serve our families. 

It is no mistake that God created us with this cyclical nature that we can track in many different ways. It is no mistake that within this tracking is the ability to care for previously labeled “incurable” conditions such as PCOS. 

NFP is beautiful. It is romantic, and its use benefits every area of the lives of married couples.

Next week, we will dive into the opposing sides of NFP, contraceptive and sterilization methods, and why they are inherently unromantic.