The Ipso Facto Apologist

I have a confession. But before I confess, I would like to know if you also suffer from what I have come to call "Serial Mutism." Do you find yourself perfectly capable of speaking intelligently about a topic, yet you say as little as possible, or even worse, nothing at all? Are you more likely to be guilty of this when it comes to matters of the Catholic Faith? I am, just ask my wife. Every time we go out and get into a debate with some of our friends, my wife will turn to me and say something like; “What was that article about [insert Catholic topic here] you were reading?” And like the name of my made up disease implies, I just say some cursory thing and stare back at my plate or out the window, hoping the topic shifts. I am not sure why I do it. I am sure there is some psychological reason for it, something to do with my Jungian preconscious or my Freudian super ego, but I think it has a lot more to do with how and where I grew up. I was raised in a small Rhode Island town during the late 70s and early 80's. Everyone I knew was French-Canadian, Catholic and a Red Sox fanatic. So while every major league team in the New England arsenal was at, or near, the top of their respective leagues during those years, the Red Sox were still losing, or as some would say “not winning the World Series”, (yes...Bill Buckner ruined my life for about a week in 1986). We all had chips on our shoulders and talking about politics or religion were sure ways to get you a shiner, a missing tooth or possibly worse. If you had ideas, then you best keep them to yourself, unless of course someone asked you for them (which never happened). My wife on the other hand grew up in a NY Yankee loving Long Island Catholic family. Debate in her house was as common as bagels and lox. It was ubiquitous and enjoyable. I once witnessed her brothers argue about the color of beer for almost an hour. It was always good spirited, humor filled and candid. You had a voice there and you could use it, in Rhode Island... not so much.

You’ve probably been in a similar situation. You are hanging out with friends, coworkers, family, and the conversation drifts to the edge of some “out of bounds” topic … and the question at hand involves Catholicism. Somehow, by virtue of your baptism, you are now an expert. You have been promoted…ordained from a pew Catholic to a bona fide Doctor of the Faith because you told Steve in IT that you went to midnight Mass last year or you told Maria in HR that you got a great deal on a gigantic handmade crucifix from Portugal. Has this happened to you? It happens to me…and I’m never prepared for it or impressed with how I dealt with it.

After your first embarrassing encounter with "Serial Mutism" you swear to brush up on the Faith. You buy books. BIG books, weighty, important books… books from authors with really tough names to spell, let alone pronounce! You get them in the mail (or on your digital reader) and you’re excited…so you get your highlighter, notebook, favorite pen, and you brew a pot of coffee at 2pm on a Saturday, because you really are “that serious”. You plop down in your favorite chair, you’re careful not to break the books spine (because you subconsciously know you’re not going to finish it-and you will end up trying to sell it online to help pay for your teens braces) and so... you start reading…and then it hits you, like a line drive headed for Mr. Buckner…you quickly realize that this stuff is heady and difficult. You also realize that the platitudes you once used in college don’t work when you're locking horns with Pete the Protestant or Matt the Methodist, (who both seem to have photographic memories when it comes to Scripture). So it’s not enough to say things like “Because Thomas Aquinas said so!” …and it becomes painfully obvious that you have to dig deeper. You know that the info you need will be somewhere between page 476 and 590 and you start to get a headache that begins in your left eye and gradually subsumes your entire being. You feel inadequate...so you grab the remote, put the book down and turn on the Sox game...and there it is once again...they are in second to last place, and you sigh.

I have about 30 books about the Catholic Faith I have yet to finish. Am I proud of that? No. I am somewhere between the levels of understanding of a 12 year old Presbyterian convert (Thanks Scott Hahn for the precedent!) and a 15 year old cradle Catholic. And in spite of that, it hasn’t stopped me from trying. Besides attending Mass as a family and praying daily, it is the single most important thing I can do as a father and husband. It’s hard, it’s confusing and it’s important.

You may have read that I have a Philosophy degree. I do. I earned it….every credit was hard won. I am not a particularly intelligent guy, no false humility here, just a simple fact. I was lucky enough in college to have patient professors and peers who carried me when I was lost. Having said that, I am a philosopher in the strictest sense of the word…I LOVE wisdom…I LOVE learning...and since Wisdom is a gift from God, I need all the Gifts He can bestow.

So the next time you find yourself in a similar position, rest assured that at least one other Catholic out there is fighting the good fight too. I don’t pretend to be a contemporary Catholic scholar, but I owe it to my family and my friends to try. I owe it to you to try, because you just lost 8 minutes of your life reading this. And try I will. I’ll start small…pick up the easy ones first, then I’ll graduate to the more difficult. I will read the Catechism (Baltimore and Original), I’ll research Scripture, read blogs, and I talk to my wife and kids. We are on this journey together….that is the beauty of our Church, our Faith, we are all Pilgrims. Enjoy the journey, grab a book, dig deep and change your world. Go Sawx!!!

God Bless!