Why I Came Back to My Catholic Faith

There is always a point in our lives were we question our faith. It is always easier to say at one point that I am rebelling against my family and not going to church. Then, that earth shattering event happens, and it is always easier to say God did this to me. At some point, everything comes full circle and somehow we are tired of being hit over the head with the Jesus stick. Or we are just tired of hearing our elderly parents complain that they have no ride to church. Whatever the reason, we somehow find ourselves either in a Confessional or in Mass.

Like most people, I had that earth shattering event happen at a tender age of 22. Being angry with God was the only acceptable answer I could see. Friends would invite me to go to church and I would go on occasion. However, the whole Mass, I sat with the questions of why does God need to give me Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), Why did I have to relearn everything. Being in a traumatic situation, like most people, my anger came and went straight to God. Why would God allow someone so young to be diagnosed with an illness that would progress each day? Why would I have to struggle with each step of watching a new issue arise? And no matter how I tried to not be angry, it only made me more angry and more frustrated.

Almost ten years later, the tables turned. I somehow found myself back in a pew in the middle of church and in front of a priest that I never saw before. Somehow in the mist of the Homily, the only words I heard were “Invite a Catholic back to church”. I was already balling because of the way my life was going.
That moment I made the decision to give Mass one last shot before I shut the door completely. I went to daily Mass. I really focused on taking the anger and frustration to the altar.

Somehow, my problems did not go away, but I started to see my own heart soften. I wanted to seek a relationship with God. I wanted to listen to what He had to say. It was that whole new relationship, but more importantly, it was God meeting me exactly where I was in that moment in time.

In the midst of going to Church every day, people started to ask “Why”. To my fellow daily Mass antendees, it was odd to see a young woman going to Mass each day. Most of the time my elders would ask why and I had no answer. Each day, I had a different reason for going to Mass. Sometimes, I just wanted to have the feeling of God’s love. Other days I wanted to have the feeling of community. Other days, I just wanted to allow my emotions to run. Whatever the reason was for the day, I found it comforting to be sitting in a Church with a bunch of older adults praying the same thing and reciting the same responses. I found the comfort of knowing that God is meeting me exactly where I am at in my faith.

Going back to my faith is not going to cure my RSD. Going back to my faith is not going to give me my old life back. Going back to my faith is giving me the peace and love that I was missing. Going back to my faith is giving me the opportunity to start another relationship with God and not to be so angry with Him. It is giving me the opportunity to know what God's everlasting love is.