Blessed By All We Meet

“No one heals himself by wounding another.” ~St. Ambrose of Milan

Recently I had the incredibly unpleasant experience of being on the wrong side of a very bitter, hateful, and mean-spirited individual. It wasn’t my first encounter with this person and, truth be told, this time wasn’t as bad as the previous one. On this particular day, however, I was feeling a bit down and discouraged by a great multitude of things and more than a little overwhelmed by life as a whole. I felt as if every modicum of patience I possessed was fleeing my body at warp speed and a great desire to bite someone’s - anyone’s - head off lingered on my tongue, a couple of times it even pounded on my teeth begging for release. Then, to have to stand face to face with someone who felt compelled to maliciously disrespect and degrade me. It was almost too much! As I struggled with the overall feeling of enough… I’m just done, I can’t possibly take anymore… as my heart raced and my eyes burned from frustration and, yes, anger, I suddenly felt great pity for them.

In that moment I stopped feeling me and all the emotions that were threatening to break me and I truly heard them. I heard so clearly their bitterness, their sense of superiority, and their contempt for anyone and anything that did not serve their purposes and even as I struggled with feeling small and broken in that moment, I found myself strangely grateful. Now, I had a clear image of who I never wanted to be. Only moments before I had been battling the desire to take my frustrations out on others. I had been fighting off anger and bitterness because so much seemed beyond my control. So much pushing in around me was unfair and even unjust but taking out my frustrations and disappointments on those around me wasn't going to make the world fairer or more just.

“But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect, (Mt. 5:44-48).” 

My heart ached at the thought of choosing to spend a life carrying around such anger, bitterness, and resentment. How did one even get out of bed under the weight of such a burden?

Yes, this moment was unpleasant, incredibly so, and yet it truly was a blessing. We all get to choose who we are. I know who I am and who I want to be. I know I want to treat people with kindness and respect even if their behavior seems to suggest they don’t deserve it. Ultimately, it’s not about who they are, though they are made in His image, it’s about who I am. I too am made in His image. We are all fallen, but it’s our duty to grow in His likeness.