How to Answer a Question

I’ve been a content moderator on a website devoted to Christian Q&A for a few years. So I’ve had to develop a nose for answers coming from Catholic perspectives, which just fail to answer questions. Something like this:

Q: Who is the patron saint of doing the dishes?

A: I think the patron saint of motorized scooters should be St. Aloysius because Aloysius rhymes well with doing the dishes

We call these answers “Not an answer”, fortunately this doesn’t both people when we delete their posts because clearly they’re not putting a lot of effort into answers, usually answers are to the contrary:

Q: Who is the patron saint of doing the dishes?

A: Don’t pray to dead people, only Jesus

Is a more typical answer. Because you don’t have to show your Catholic Card at the door, (you do have a Catholic Card, right?) it’s up to content moderators to make sure that answers not only answer the question, but don’t contradict the premise of the question.  These answers are easy to spot and delete.

What is much more difficult to spot, well neigh impossible, is the answer using “evidence”:

Q: Who is the patron saint of doing the dishes?

A: St. Bonaventure was washing the dishes when Pope Gregory X sent his envoys to install him as Cardinal.  See: https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/02648c.htm

This person, clearly did some googling, but not necessarily thinking.  Just because the words “Saint”, “Patron” and “Dishes” come up as a top search result, does not necessarily mean you’ve found an answer to your question. 

Then there are the plausible, but opinion based, answers:

Q: Who is the patron saint of doing the dishes?

A: I don’t know if there is a patron saint of doing the dishes, but I’d choose St. Martha since she was busy with dishes when Jesus came to visit her and her sister.

Plausible, yes, but St. Martha is the patron of dirtying dishes, not the patron of doing them. However, if this question wasn't present as opinion, I'd probably consider it a good enough answer and leave it at that. 

Some would say that a question you cannot find a specific answer for should be answered in this way:

Q: Who is the patron saint of doing the dishes?

A: There is no patron saint of doing the dishes.

Proving a negative is as hard for people as it is for computers.  Unless there was a papal bull that proclaimed “there shall never be a patron saint of doing the dishes” this answer will always be missing something.  It’s important to think a little broader; always consider the scope of the question to find the narrowest answer that answers the widest breadth of the question:

Ask yourself these three questions, in the context of the narrow one:

Q: What is a Saint?

A: A person in Heaven whose life is characterized by heroic virtue and/or martyrdom.

Q: What is a patron?

A: A patron is model and a benefactor.

Q: What is doing the dishes?

A: Doing the dishes is the form of housework that takes for form of cleaning up after meals.  Doing the dishes requires patience, humility and a willingness to serve others.

So, put it all together, you just need to find a person in heaven who tradition already holds is a patron. And that person must already be a patron of something which doing the dishes is clearly in the domain of: 

Q: Who is the patron saint of doing the dishes?

A: While there may be no specific patron saint of doing the dishes, St. Zita is the patron saint of housework, which would certainly include doing the dishes.

Now, you’ve answered a question!