Loving the Person in the Mirror

“One must see God in everyone.” ~ St. Catherine Labouré

January is almost over. I don’t know about you, but I made a few New Year’s resolutions, especially in the self-improvement department, and, thus far, I have made almost zero progress. A fact that is both disappointing and discouraging. Worse, however, is that I tend to be a bit hard on myself, at least in my head. The charity I extend to others I rarely extend to myself. This is a real problem and one I know I’m not alone in.

Over the years, I’ve made great strides in the “expectations” department. I've learned to limit expectations of people and organizational entities and focus instead on what I personally can accomplish and the grace and mercy of God. Where I still struggle is with reasonable expectations of myself. I may have learned to limit my expectations of others, but I haven’t yet figured out how to stop comparing myself to others. 

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I’ve also been thinking about this quite a bit too:

“He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.’ (Matthew 22:37-40)”

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 

Hmm… Little in our culture is geared toward true and authentic self-love. Much of (so-called) reality TV, social media, and magazines are designed to create envy and cultivate want, two things that do anything but inspire love of neighbor let alone love of self. Most of the propaganda we encounter on a daily basis makes us feel somehow “less than” a great multitude of people and things. It can be overwhelming, soul-crushing, and, of course, divisive. 

How then are we to see ourselves clearly enough to love? 

First, no one currently walking this earth is perfect.

Second, we are each unique creations, which is great news. Continually comparing ourselves to others will not cultivate our uniqueness; it will crush it. Remember that. Write it somewhere you will see it often. (Please know that is literally a “note to self” there.) I am me; you are you.

Third, when confronted with an external stimulus that leads to self-doubt, think before you feel. (Yes, easier said than done.) Ask yourself:

• How does this make me feel about myself? Why?
• What is the purpose of what I am seeing?
  • Is it to make me want to buy something?
  • Change something?
  • Do something? 

Then, decide what the healthiest response for you is. Sometimes it’s closing the magazine or turning off the television and walking away. 

Lastly, when battling your own thoughts:

• Look at what progress you have made. Small, incremental steps count. Progress is progress.
• If you wouldn’t say it to another human being, do not think it about yourself.
• It is okay not to fill every moment with the business of “doing.”
• It is okay to be tired. Rest, but don’t quit.
   

Love is hard. Loving oneself in a world full of propaganda geared toward shiny, superficial, unrealistic, and usually unattainable icons of culture is beyond difficult. We must, however, find the strength and courage to step back from all that leads to unhealthy comparison and love the person who often challenges us the most, the one in the mirror. Until we can say with David, “I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works (Psalm 139:14a),” a schism between ourselves and all those around us will forever exist. We and all those whom we love deserve better.