Spiritual Self Sabotage
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Lord, I embrace Your Cross...no wait, on second thought...
Lord, I embrace your Cross. I know it is the way. I know that there will be tremendous suffering. I know that you will be there with me, helping me, gracing me to carry it. I will embrace and carry it as long as need be. I will offer all my fears, pains, and sufferings that come from this cross for your glory. I know you will not abandon me. I know that there will come relief, resurrection, and that my soul will become more and more formed and conformed in Your Love.
The above little prayer may resonate with your soul’s desire.
But, how often is the following the reality?
I pray I don’t have to embrace your Cross. I want there to be another way. This world I live in is different from when you had your cross---we don’t like suffering or surrender of the self. We say we do---but when push comes to shove--surrender of the will, well its just harder today. I want you to be there with me, but you never come to me the way I want. I mean I always feel like I’m so alone whenever there is a cross. I embrace it for a while--but put it down and grasp at some other way of worldly relief. Yes, I offer my fears and pains and sufferings--but then they don’t leave when I offer them to You--so I give up. I know you will not abandon me--but I know also that I end up abandoning you--it happens every time there is a cross. I want nothing more than relief and a resurrection moment--but they don’t come like I want them--so I give up and there is another cross not carried, piled upon others there in the corner of my soul.
But maybe, just maybe this time...
St. John of the Cross, pray for me.
Ordained a Roman Catholic priest, Michael left the active ministry, married, worked as a therapist, then later became an Episcopal priest. In 2004, together with his wife and son, he made a pilgrimage to Medjugorje in thanksgiving for her healing from cancer. It was at this first pilgrimage that he felt called to reconcile with the Roman Catholic Church--a church from which he had been excommunicated.
Following he and his family’s return to the Catholic Church, he has been requested by parishes and prayer groups for talks and retreats on a variety of spiritual topics. He reaches a broad audience because of the wealth of his experiences as a priest, therapist, protestant minister, ex-communicant, hospice chaplain and of course a husband and father. He is a captivating story teller, preacher, and has a knack for connecting with the congregation and audience.
Michael is a full time chaplain for LECOM VNA Hospice. In addition he facilitates several bereavement and support groups.
Michael enjoys family adventures, bicycling, cooking, fly fishing, building projects, and music composition. He lives with his lovely wife and five hounds. On occasion he runs a half marathon with his wife, son, and daughter-in-law.
A Lost Shepherd , Michael’s first book was published in 2012 and received a nomination for Book of the Year by the Small Publishers Association. In 1991 He composed, performed and produced Earthen Illusions a selection of musical compositions and donated all proceeds to the American Cancer Society. He is also a contributor to Priest magazine, published by Our Sunday Visitor. He is currently authoring a new work on Spritual Direction in Hospice.
