Newlyweds and To-Be-Weds, Avoid this Young Marriage Trap

The other day, I encountered a very troubled bride. It was her wedding day, and instantly, her words, her demeanor reminded me of myself, of many other brides I've known. In our minds, we grow this image of perfection, and we expect it. If our expectations are not met, if our image of perfection is less, we stop everything. Until we are satisfied, we fall into this pit, unwilling or unable to move away from and adjust the image of perfection with that of reality.

I recall several instances, with sadness, in which I would not or could not move on from the disappointment of unmet expectations. During our wedding reception, one of my friends was at a table with no one she knew. I stopped in the middle of the reception hall and insisted I would not be seated until my friend was seated with her friends. My wedding day coordinator showed me the seating chart, and I realized, that morning, I'd given her an older version of the seating chart. It was my fault, but the mistake needed to change.

I often wonder about the origin of these expectations that cause us to halt everything, to pause or even steal the richness of the moment, to satisfy our demands.

This is a trap that leads only to grieve the Holy Spirit. Here's the secret solution - it doesn't matter.

As brides, so deeply invested in the beauty of the wedding day, we must move on from these moments of pride - that we must have what we want, of envy - decrying what we cannot have. We must move on as quickly as possible with great humility, with great kindness to ourselves for our own mistakes and to others for their mistakes.

Why? Because a young marriage will benefit immeasurably. When the honeymoon itinerary is not seamless, when the move to a new home is postponed - for the third time, when we discover a lifetime of girlish dreams shatter at the news of infertility, when a parent dies, when a child dies (granting of course deep sorrow and grieving)... move on from the pride and envy of expectations... our life, our call to know, love, and serve God is so brief. We must be honest enough with ourselves, with our pride, to say that we are disappointed, and then ask our spouse to help us move with gratefulness, contentment, joy; acknowledge it is God's will, and move in Grace because when all else falls away, our vocation, our union is the sacred bond we must preserve, not our frivolous and transient expectations.