When a cut is more than a cut
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By Peggy Weber
A few years ago I was watching two of my grandsons while their parents attended a wake. They were 1 and 3 at the time. The three-year-old asked me earnestly, "Grandma, what do people do at a wake?" I told him that people said a prayer for the person who died. "Then they say they are sorry to the family and maybe give them a hug," I said.
He nodded and then asked, "Are there cookies?" I told him no. He paused and then looked me straight in the eyes and said, "There are cookies!"
I wanted to disagree and explain that no one was handing out baked goods at a wake. But then I realized he was absolutely certain that no one could deal with death and grief without a cookie. I also recalled how home wakes often included food many years ago so who was I to tell him he was wrong.
And the more I thought about this heartfelt conversation I realized how wise he is. And I also saw how his message is especially applicable for the holiday season. His view about cookies made me see:
1. Never underestimate the power of cookies. Take the time to bake or buy some cookies and share them with neighbors, co-workers, the bus driver, and loved ones. It is a small and sweet way to spread love.
2. Recognize that many people may be grieving at Christmas time. My grandson's desire for cookies at a wake should make one realize that everyone grieves differently. Talk to those who are mourning or alone and see what they want or need. Some people might welcome flowers, cards, a dinner invitation or cookies. Others sincerely might want quiet.
3. Give the gift of listening this season. One might be quick to dismiss the ideas or thoughts of a toddler or teen or senior citizen. However, they offer ideas, stories and perspectives that are unique and often delightful. So ask Grandma how she met Grandpa. Have a teenager explain Tik Tok or the music they like. And toddlers have a lot to say about everything. Annd you might want to do all of this while munching on a cookie.
4. I am already asking my family to hand out cookies at my wake. Why not? My grandson was right.
Peggy Weber Is a graduate of Providence College with a BA in English. She holds an MA in journalism from Marquette University. She has been working in Catholic media for more than four decades. Primarily she has worked for Catholic Communications in the Diocese of Springfield, MA. She has been a television producer, columnist, and reporter. Her writing has won several Catholic Press Association Awards. Her 2019 book: Enough as You Are (Loyola Press) won first place in the family life category and second place in the self- help category. She loves writing, especially when it can inspire and spread the faith. She has been married for almost 41 years and is the mother of three adult children and the grandmother of nine amazing grandchildren. She loves to bake, read and watch baseball.
