Lord I Embrace Your Cross...no wait, on second thought

Hello,
My name is Michael Ripple and I used to be a writer. Some of my past reflections were published here on Catholic 365 and I enjoyed writing for them.
However, I haven’t written any opinion pieces for almost one decade. Through the years the many reasons for my silence varied and became nothing more than excuses.
Then, several months ago I was approached and asked to begin offering some reflections for Catholic 365. I was very hesitant and shared the main reason why I stopped my internet writing; ANONYMOUS COMMENTS. And they are everywhere. We live in an age when more and more time is spent in the comment section of an article or thread. Everyone becomes an expert and therefore, each individual assumes a self imposed authority to pass judgement. We live in an age where clicks and emojis dictate much more than a shared emotion or personal thought.
In addition I shared with the editor that I saw no reason to offer anything and not receive some monetary compensation. In the past, when I would submit an article to a journal or magazine there was at least a minimal stipend that came without ANONYMOUS COMMENTS.
Looking back perhaps maybe what I wrote or shared struck a chord and my response was simply giving in to evil wanting me to stop.
But I don’t flatter myself.
That initial reason for no longer submitting articles soon morphed into other excuses and I surmised that I simply didn’t want to enter into the arena of all the published agendas and judgments. I stopped writing...for years and it became a self imposed slippery slope.
Much has happened in those years. Surrounded by domestic political and societal upheaval...the birth of being ‘WOKE’ and ‘CANCELLED’...the SCANDAL of Roman Catholic Church clergy, and of course COVID, I found myself affected in a much deeper way. It simply drained the life out of any desire to write, share, or even think about anything remotely connected to my faith or the church.
For years, I existed in a spiritual survival mode. I hunkered down and tried to simply say my prayers. Life soon took over with all its’ stresses and changes and challenges. Then I found myself...the one who used to preach to hundreds, help to lead pilgrimages, write books and articles about living the spiritual quest---well I was quiet--silenced by my own choice. I would ‘self sabotage’ any opportunity to publicly share my journey of faith.
My loving wife and son suffered from my faith crisis.
Not only did I hurt myself--I was hurting those I loved.
I stopped doing the work of faith. There is no other reason. It is a choice. It is, in the end--willed.
If I experienced such faith angst--and have been for years--what about others? Maybe, just maybe there is one other person reading this who is saying, “I know!”
In the past, men and women looked for God, they searched, they were on a quest . Stories of those who were holy in this life somehow marked us, inspired us, and encouraged our soul to make that journey. Instead we ‘search’ for a strong wifi signal, and spend hours upon hours searching, scrolling, and clicking whatever is dictated through the algorithm.
Not all is evil--but the demonic needs only to keep the soul from searching truth and then the rest will follow.
TIME AWAY FROM GOD IS THE DEMONIC’S GOAL
If only as much time was spent in prayer and fasting as in looking at our phones and reading ‘news’ or watching a weather radar. I stand before you guilty. Even more, now that we live in the age of Covid--there was always something that needed ordered,---from food to household supplies to even Christmas shopping--the internet ‘search’ could occur several times a day.
How often was I searching God during the day? How often did I unplug and get quiet? How often did I fast? How often did I do the things that those holy people did before me? How often did those holy people lay in bed searching on their phone? By the way are you aware there are ‘apps’ for helping you curtail internet time and assist with sleep?
As years and time progressed, I realized that I began to grow hopeless. After all there were SO many reasons to begin to believe that God has forgotten us, gave up on us...gave up on me.
But, I am here, writing to you only by the Grace of God. What did I do? First I simply renewed fasting...then, like riding a bike, the rest begins to slowly follow. And now, here I am hoping this resonates with just one other soul.
Advent will be quickly upon us. Perhaps this will be your time. The time to physically do something that is spiritual. The time to turn off the world as much as you can and do the work of faith. The time to welcome the dark of winter as an invitation for vigil prayer, or at the very least, to embrace the quiet and not a game of solitaire.
If, you are reading this and experiencing some faith angst, no matter the cause, accept this invitation...spiritually click ‘search’.
After all, you know what you need to do. I do hope to be able to continue to share with you my renewed quest.
God Bless
-Michael Ripple.