Why I've Checked Out of Facebook

It’s important for one to understand their limits, how far into the deep, murky waters they can swim before sinking.  In recent months I have been receiving instruction, as I have been asking Jesus to help me see myself as He sees me, that I might know who I really am and areas within myself that need an attitude adjustment.  Now, as many can imagine, this can be sticky business.  Be careful what you wish for…

I have always informed God that He must handle me with kid gloves, for I am a delicate creature.  Of course, to grow in holiness and virtue I must become aware of my faults to enact real change, but at the same time knowing can be a whole lotta yuck.  If He dumps it all on me at once, well, I am likely to “pick up my marbles and go home” as I will most certainly become discouraged.  He gets it, and we have a good arrangement going. 

One of the areas He has graciously brought to my attention is the hard fact that I like to be right.  Place me into a discussion with someone where opinions may differ and by golly, don’t count on me handling it like a saint.  Especially when it comes to topics such as the Catholic Church, or the evils of relativism, or abortion, or gender ideology, or critical race theory.  I’m competitive.  And while at the heart of it one might say I am fighting for the voice of Truth and the true message of Jesus in this crazy, mixed up world, I have had to stop and analyze this. 

Jesus and I have been talking.  You see, in all these matters I am too upset, too angry.  Not that I’m smashing the crystal or throwing tantrums, but I am not moving toward perfection, the direction He is leading me.  And it’s during times in my life when the emotion-gauge is close to apoplectic and I become consumed with this sorrow and anger, my dear angel taps me on the shoulder and whispers in my ear, “Stop.  Come back to His Heart now.”  Then I am given the grace to address this inordinate amount of self-righteousness, and I ask in my pain, why.  It’s a good thing to fight for truth; but why am I so affected?

Ah, the tremendous value of the cross!  Most times it is only when the weight of those irritating crosses gets too great, too painful, that we are ready to cooperate with the change needed within ourselves.  We, as stubborn bits of metal, can only be molded in the fire.  And I am seeing that at the heart of it is the fact that my pride is too great.  I am not so much wounded for Jesus’s sake, but for my own desire to be right, and to win an argument.  How dare they disagree with me!  How could they possibly follow the voices of the world, when I know so much more about what is right?  Then starts the ruminating, and fuming, and stress…

I don’t want to live like this anymore!  So, gently He leads me.  He tells me I must let go of the reins of control (which, incidentally I need to do about three thousand time a day) and let go of an area of great distress to me: Facebook. It was interesting to see how much of a stinking hold that had on me!  The vacancy it left in my day when I kept picking up my phone to check in was staggering.  Wow!  What a waste of time in my life!  It has taken me a few months, to be honest, to break my mind of that disordered suction.

When I was in the deep, murky waters of last year’s election, with all the terrible discord of “black lives mattering”, young adults embracing the poison of socialism, and people actually believing children have the ability to choose their genders… I kept checking in to read what people would say.  In the sorrow and distress, I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to make sure people thought like I did, that everything was going to be alright.  It is difficult, because in truth we are all connected.  We belong to each other and I want everyone to see Light, and the only Truth, and the only Way! 

Life is a delicate balance.  It is not right for me now to put my head in the sand and separate myself, striving only for a little utopian oasis where I am safe and unaffected by the troubles of America and the world.  I must engage.  Jesus and I have talked about it and my job in this world of woe is to be a beggar.  I have to get on my knees and fervently beg for souls who are searching and lonely and hopeless and grieving and just plain messed up!  Where a lot is given, a lot is expected.  It is the job He has given me, has given all of us, and I must be connected just enough to stay passionate and driven, but not so much that I sink into the mire and poisons of Facebook.

So, how do I fill that space in my day left by the constant scrolling on my phone? I have never considered myself to have an addictive personality so this has been quite eye-opening.  But I must recognize my limits, and for me, Facebook is a poison.  Sure, I will miss the good stuff that got me connected in the beginning: the photos of my cousin’s children, hearing the latest happy news from a high school friend, sharing images of the stupendous meal I prepared…

But in my weak dispositioned self the bad was outweighing the good.  And so, what now?  Well, I at least check the headlines I get from Epoch Times that I can stay engaged somewhat.  I listen to Catholic Radio from time to time, watch EWTN.  And then I pray.  I am trying to fill the space with prayer.  I struggle with this a bit in that I tend to think of it as a duty box to check each day: Magnificat morning prayers? Check. Rosary said? Check.  Divine Mercy chaplet? Check.  Okay, I’ve fulfilled my obligations.  Enough of that praying stuff. Leave me alone now until tomorrow, Lord.  Something tells me that’s not the attitude of one striving for sainthood!   

But Jesus and I are discussing it.  Little by little He is giving me the grace to see and to love.  Love calls me to roll up my sleeves and leave behind an attitude of “good enough” and pray more, sacrifice more, beg for mercy constantly.  Jesus wants me to be all in for the conversion of poor sinners, to see that people walking down different paths are not my enemy.  The great deceiver, the divider, the devil is the enemy! The times we live in cannot be more desperate.  Each soul is beloved by God, and they are so worth it to Him.  He wants them; and He is calling on me to beg, to fill the extra space in my life in continual prayer for Divine Mercy to gush forth into our misery.     

Eternal Father!  I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, of Your dearly beloved Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ!  In atonement for our sins, and those of the whole world!