The Church, Mercy, and Divorce

I don’t think enough of us realize exactly what mercy is. I’ll be the first to admit, there are plenty of instances over the last few years where I could’ve been more merciful myself. This past week, I’ve had to deal with more judgment from others than I ever have before.

I finally wrote about officially being divorced in an article for my personal website. She and I had been separated for almost three years, something I regularly wrote about for several Catholic websites. Still, once everything was official and the d-word came into play, I couldn’t believe some of the responses I received. I noticed no one willing to leave a comment on the article itself or the social media post. Still, my messenger and email inbox received a few hundred messages in a matter of days.

Plenty of people were encouraging, telling me they thought more Catholics needed to be willing to write about issues as serious as divorce. This is a big issue within the Church. I believe several men can learn from the mistakes I’ve made and some of the things I’ve done wrong since the separation and during the last few years of the marriage.

I knew there would be plenty of people who would never read what I had to write in the future because I’m divorced. I just didn’t realize how many. Some of the messages I received really bothered me. I was told people like me are what is wrong with the Church. I was no longer qualified to write about Jesus and the Bible. Someone who is divorced has no business teaching others about God and Scripture. I definitely won’t tell these people they are wrong. Jesus was pretty clear on the topic of divorce. He was also pretty big on mercy.

Here’s the thing. I don’t look at myself as any kind of a teacher. I hope people are able to learn from my messages. I simply love to write, and God has let me know the topic has to be Him. Even with a divorce. I converted to the Catholic Church after the separation. I made sure the priests and deacon at our parish knew what was going on.

Obviously, the marriage also happened before I was Catholic. The Bishop of our diocese told me that if the Church was unwilling to recognize my marriage, it had no right to acknowledge my separation or divorce. I was told if anyone had an issue with me receiving the Eucharist to ask them to contact him. I’m not going to say he was right or wrong. I simply left it at that. He encouraged me to continue writing. It’s not just a hobby for me. It’s how I make a living. Writing about Jesus is part of why I was created.

I want to get back to the subject of mercy. In the Beatitudes, Jesus tells us, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” If your faith is in Jesus Christ, if He is your Lord and Savior, you are already full of mercy. Some of us simply don’t know how to share it with others. Let me explain. We need to look at chapter two of St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians, verses 1-7.

“And you were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience - among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.”

Who Needs Mercy?

Every single one of us, divorced or not, is in desperate need of grace and mercy. St. Paul tells us that every single one of us is dead in our trespasses, even with a happy and loving marriage. Jesus himself tells us in chapter eight of St. John’s Gospel, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires.” That’s a message we don’t hear enough is Church today. It shows us the depravity of our sin and desperate need for the cross. 

St. Paul calls us “children of wrath.” This isn’t something we lose with the status of our marriage. All of us, the members of the Church at Ephesus, us here in the United States today, me writing this article, you reading it, every single one of us is a sinner in one way or another. Each of us is dead in our sins. You’re not a bad person who needs to go to confession and do better. You are dead, needing to be brought to life in Jesus Christ. This brings me to my favorite two words in the Bible. But God…

What God Has for Us

This mercy is not something you go out and earn. God loves us so much that while we are still sinners, He sent His Son to pay our price. God’s message wasn't to go to church every week for a year and then come see me. He didn’t tell us to memorize the Bible and then come talk to Him. We receive the verdict before the performance. 

When Jesus was hung on that piece of wood, your sins were imputed into Him, and His righteousness was imputed into you. When He stood up on His nail-pierced feet and said, “It is finished,” that counted for you. It counted for me. “It is finished” included my divorce.

I am not my sin. I am not my divorce. The world doesn’t get to put a label on me. The opinions of other Catholics don’t determine who I am. St. Paul goes on to tell us God doesn’t give us just enough mercy to keep us from going to hell. He lavishes us with mercy. God the Father puts us right next to Jesus in the heavenly places. He wants us to be able to see the immeasurable riches of His grace.

This is not something we earn. It’s not a gift for a 50th wedding anniversary. It is what God gives out of His great love for us. Too many of us forget that. We forget exactly who and what we are and the depravity of our sin. We lose sight of our need for Him. We lose the value of His mercy.