Saints, Sinners and Yours Truly

“We all talk of reforming others without ever reforming ourselves.” ~St. Peter of Alcántara

Sunday, I knelt in prayer as I always do before Mass and tried to get my ever-cluttered, incredibly tired brain in the right frame of mind for full and active participation. Mentally, I went through the list of people I have promised to pray for, the people I knew I needed to pray for, the worries currently hanging over me and the great hurts and need for healing and forgiveness I see in others and in our world. As I was going through this list, I prayed something along the lines of:

“…and let those who have been hurt find the strength and courage to forgive and let go… except for me Lord, I’m not ready to just yet.”

Uh-oh. To say I was shocked at this insight, this overwhelming dose of honesty not so much with God, but with myself, is an understatement. Seriously, it just flowed right through my mind, “…except for me Lord, I’m not ready to just yet,” as easily as “and cream and sugar, please?” would have with my coffee order. I looked up at the crucifix that hung in front of me with what I can only assume was a wide-eyed, what just happened here? expression. I slid into my seat and leaned back, suddenly feeling awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin. Who was I? Who was this person that could so easily ask to be excluded from the need to forgive and let go?

I don’t share this story because I have all the answers. Truly, I would love to tell you that a great epiphany followed, but it didn’t. Instead, before Communion, we said the Our Father, just as we always do, and I was forced to contemplate:

“…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…”

Oh boy!

From the Catechism: “This petition is astonishing. If it consisted only of the first phrase, ‘and forgive us our trespasses,’ it might have been included, implicitly, in the first three petitions of the Lord's Prayer, since Christ's sacrifice is ‘that sins may be forgiven.’ But, according to the second phrase, our petition will not be heard unless we have first met a strict requirement. Our petition looks to the future, but our response must come first, for the two parts are joined by the single word ‘as.’” ~ CCC §2838

“…as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

With this in mind, here are some of my thoughts on forgiveness, letting go and healing from this week as I considered what exactly this shocking little moment of mine was all about, what I have done and what I need to do to move forward:

1. Forgiveness does not equate to the restoration of trust. You can forgive someone without giving them the same place they once had in your life, that will take time, it also simply may not be possible. Every situation is different.
2. Forgiveness and healing are not the same. Forgiveness is the conscious and deliberate decision to let go of feelings of resentment toward someone who has harmed you whether they deserve it or have even asked for it. Healing is the process of becoming “sound and healthy” again. Forgiveness begins the healing. Healing takes time and effort.
3. Some hurts are great. Some wounds are deep. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, it must be wanted and worked toward. Even after time, effort and true forgiveness old wounds can flare up. Don’t consider this a failure on your part. Your feelings are valid, just don’t let them lead you down a path of resentment and bitterness. Step back, take time and pray your way through it.
4. There is a fine line between hanging on to the lesson and hanging on to the hurt and/or resentment. The lesson will help you better navigate future situations and challenges. Find the lesson! The hurt and resentment will keep you from enjoying new situations and making the most of future challenges and opportunities.
5. Forgiveness and letting go aren’t easy, but your immortal soul, your emotional well-being and your day-to-day life are worth it. You are worth it!

“Forgiveness is not a denial of wrong-doing, but a participation in the healing and transforming love of God which reconciles and restores,” ~Pope Benedict XVI, message to Professor Mary Ann Glendon, President of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences, April 30, 2012.

I pray that 2021 is a year of reconciliation and restoration for us all.

Peace be with you!