The Freedom and Joy of Humility

Humility is often misunderstood, even in the church.  When you first read the Litany of Humility, invocations such as “From the desire of being praised, deliver me Jesus […] From the fear of being wronged, deliver me Jesus […] That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it” can seem very painful and disheartening.  We all like to be recognized for a job well done, right?  We all like to be included in a group.  And humility seems especially difficult to aspire to if your sense of self-worth is dependent of the recognition and approval of others (which is should not, because they can be so fickle).

When most of us think of humility, we think of a person reminding himself of what a terrible person he is.  While humility does include a certain awareness of our limitations and flaws, it does not mean dwelling on them, much less putting oneself down.  It means understanding oneself in relation to God; namely, that our worth comes from the fact that we are loved by God and have been redeemed by His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, and that we are dependent upon Him for all of our needs.  In God, we have more than enough love, affection, attention, forgiveness to fulfill all our needs for security and self-worth.  So why should we look for our self-worth in the praise and adulation from others, or in what we do, or what we can accomplish?  Yet, many if not all of us have tried to find self-assurance in those very things of the world.  Perhaps one of the reasons for this sad reality is lack of trust in God, and a desire for personal control over our own destiny.  In order for us to have the peace that God wants to give us, we have to let go of anything we are attached to, which we think will make us fully happy or is the marker for our dignity, and rely completely on God.

I recently read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, and I think the story helps to clarify what it means to rely on God for security and happiness (also, beware of spoiler alerts, and I highly recommend this book as it’s very easy to read).  In this fictional story, the protagonist takes a bus from what seems to be a large, but lonely neighborhood (the neighbors are rude and irritable) to a land of paradise that he cannot fully experience.  He and his fellow travelers are but phantoms in this paradise, which we later learn is Heaven.  The neighborhood they came from is Hell/Purgatory, but those who live there have the chance to travel to Heaven every now and then and can stay if they choose. 

The saints and angels, who appear in bright, solid bodies, come to assist the ghosts in “going up the mountain” so that they can stay in Heaven.  However, many of the ghosts ultimately refuse Heaven and choose to back to Hell.  Why?  The protagonist finds throughout the story that each of the ghosts have certain attachments, and he watches as many of them refuse to let go of their attachments.  I want to share one example that I think all of us can relate to.  One of the ghosts visiting heaven is stunned to find that a man he knew from Earth, a murderer and one of his former employees no less, is reaching out to invite him to stay.  What’s more, perpetrator and victim are happily reunited in this paradise!

[…]”What I’d like to understand,” said the Ghost,

   “is what you’re here for, pleased as a Punch, you

   know, a bloody murderer, while I’ve been walking

   the streets down there and living in a place like a

   pigstye all these years.”

                           “That is a little hard to understand at first.  But it is

   all over now.  You will be pleased about it presently. 

   Till then there is no need to bother about it.”

                           “No need to bother about it?  Aren’t you ashamed of

   yourself?”

                           “No.  Not as you mean.  I do not look at myself.  I have

   given up myself.  I had to, you know, after the murder. 

   That was what it did for me.  And that was how everything

   began.”

                           “Personally,” said the Big Ghost with an emphasis which

   contradicted the ordinary meaning of the word, “personally,

   I’d have though you and I would be the other way around. 

   That’s my personal opinion.”

                           “Very likely we soon shall be,” said the other.  “If you’ll

   stop thinking about it.”

                           “Look at me, now,” said the Ghost, slapping its chest (but

   the sound made no noise).  “I gone straight all my life.  I

   don’t say I was a religious man and I don’t say I had no faults,

   far from it.  But I done my best all my life, see?  I done my

   best for everyone, that’s the sort of chap I was.  I never asked

   for anything that wasn’t mine by rights. […]

   […] I’m asking for nothing but my rights.  You may think

   you can put me down because you’re dressed up like that

   (which you weren’t when you worked under me) and I’m

   only a poor man.  But I have got my rights the same as you,

   see?”

   “Oh, no.  It’s not so bad as that.  I haven’t got my rights, or

   I should not be here.  You will not get yours either.  You’ll

   get something far better.  Never fear.”

                                      “That’s just what I say, I haven’t got my rights.  I always done

   my best and I never done nothing wrong.  And what I don’t

   see is why I should be put below a bloody murderer like you.”

                                       “Who knows whether you will be?  Only be happy and come

   with me.”

                                       (Lewis, 24-26)

There is so much more to the dialogue, but this segment is very illuminating.  What the poor ghost does not want to let go of is his own “merits.”  He wants to “earn” his place in Heaven because he cannot quite grasp that it’s a free gift, just like the spirit, who is trying to help him, received after committing murder and repenting.  Essential to Christian humility is accepting that no one can possibly deserve any of God’s graces, let alone eternal salvation.  It also means accepting that God can grant His mercy and grace to anyone He wants, and we are not to be jealous of the graces that others get (Jesus makes this point in the Gospels several times).  Humility does not mean beating oneself up, but taking the focus off of oneself entirely, and surrendering to the wonderful grace of God, Whose love and grace surpasses all our understanding and our desires!  The spirit who was once a murderer himself took the focus off himself and onto the mercy of God to attain salvation (he realized that that was the only way he could do so upon his repentance).

            Humility is something that I am striving for daily as a seminarian, and I do not pretend that I have already attained it.  Salvation is always a work in progress in this lifetime, and I have a long, painful journey to go towards being the humble, kind, forgiving, and wise priest (God willing) that Christ intended me to be.  I hope you will join me on this journey too.  If you would like me to pray for you, please leave a comment below.  I will close with Psalm 4, which is read every Saturday night, and on the eve of every Solemnity during Compline (Night Prayer in the Liturgy of the Hours).  I think that it expresses the joy of total reliance on God’s love beautifully:

Psalm 4

“When I call, answer me, O God of justice;

   from anguish you released me; have mercy and hear

   me!

   O men, how long will your hearts be closed,

   will you love what is futile and seek what is false?

   It is the Lord who grants favors to those whom he

   loves;

   The Lord hears me whenever I call him.

   Fear him; do not sin: ponder on your bed and be

   still.

   Make justice your sacrifice and trust in the Lord.

   “What can bring us happiness?” many say.

   Let the light of your face shine on us, O Lord.

   You have put into my heart a greater joy

   than they have from the abundance of corn and new

   wine.

   I will lie down in peace and sleep comes at once

   for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

   (The Liturgy of the Hours, p.1233-4)

References

Cardinal Merry de Val, Rafael. The Litany Of Humility: To Walk Humbly With God, www.ourcatholicprayers.com/litany-of-humility.html.

Lewis, C. S. Great Divorce. The Macmillan Company, 1946.

The Liturgy of the Hours: According to the Roman Rite. Vol. 4, Catholic Book Pub. Co., 1975.