We live in a dismal time for the vocation of marriage. Cultural changes have made it seem permissible and even preferable for those in troubled marriages to obtain a divorce and then enter into a new marriage later. These attitudes have impacted Catholics as well as the broader culture. Most Catholics have witnessed divorce in some form, directly or indirectly. Yet, fifty years ago divorce was a scarce occurrence.
Of course, there are some serious reasons people divorce. Still, many divorce for other, less serious reasons. Could the end of most marriages be prevented? I think so. Marriages go through ups and downs. In the not-so-distant past couples stayed married rather than separating during the low points. What about those who go through hard times? I believe it is in the attitudes of the married partners whether these marriages survive or not. For those who do not consider divorce an option the lows experienced will eventually level off or be resolved. The highs will return.
Everyone wants happiness. That is why people marry in the first place. If a marriage begins well, and then a spouse becomes difficult to live with, there is the thought that the marriage was a mistake. Many people choose to end their marriages when they become unhappy. Yet, in life, sufferings arrive at our doorstep without our ability to control them. Anyone who has experienced sickness or death knows this well. But suffering will result in peace if we offer it up to God. God's will for those united in marriage is to stay married for the salvation of the other.
If divorce becomes necessary for someone's safety, the cross of living alone is another way to testify to the nature of God's design for marriage.
In the present age, there are many temptations to throw away a spouse and begin again with someone who seems to be a better fit. Our culture speaks to our vanity, and to our desire for self-fulfillment. The hardest part of Christianity is to die to self, to become lesser while others are deemed greater than we are. In many troubled marriages dying to self may be the cornerstone to saving them.
Today's divorce rate has led to many people in the larger society giving up on marriage altogether. For example, the cohabitation culture seems to have begun after the 1970s "no fault divorce" culture.
Our clergy have become too shy to defend the indissolubility of marriage. I think many feel divorce is inevitable in our present culture.
If it was impossible to stay married for life, Jesus Christ would not have told his followers that God designed marriage for life. Of course as young adults choose to forgo marriage we will see less divorces, yet for the life of the Church, we will have to deal with the attitude of temporary love. Because marriage reflects the love between Jesus and the Church, we will find a generation or more of youth who cannot find God's love to be appealing due to the lack of authentic love in our Church's marriages.
The Church should be a vital example to society, but the annulment process has cheapened expectations of married life. In our leadership's desire to bring mercy to people, they have also brought falsehood to many. That so many divorced people receive annulments has tainted the Church's teaching of Christ's eternal and everlasting love which is seen visibly in married love, especially in times of suffering. There is no partaking in the deeper mystery of God's glory in suffering if we abandon a spouse. It sometimes is only by suffering through a difficulty that a person obtains holiness.
Today we have developed an attitude that it isn't possible for humans to obtain perfection in difficult circumstances. If this is the case, why does our Church hold up martyrs and virgins as examples of virtuous lives?
The Church has the authority to guide many people to holy marriages. The first step must be preaching to the youth what a holy marriage is. God views our marriages as a path to holiness that it is unbreakable and lifelong. We need high expectations to reach our destiny of becoming children of God, and we have to choose that life. Christ tells us we can accomplish holiness through a life-long marriage and our fidelity. We may even return to a day when Catholics never even consider divorce as an option.
A long time ago I thought I was a writer. Because my parents were practical, I went into teaching. About ten years ago, I began to write again.
I hold a B.S. degree in Elementary Education from Penn State University (University Park). I enjoy gardening, reading, Pittsburgh sports, and cooking, but not in that order. My regular job is being a wife and mother.
