The Vocation of Single Life: tips from a Catholic Gentleman

The primary vocation of all the baptized is holiness, we are all created to become Saints, working to spread the Kingdom of God in this life, and to enjoy it for all eternity in the next life.  Each of the baptized also has a secondary vocation, such as Holy Matrimony, Priesthood, and the Religious Life.  One secondary vocation that I think is lesser known and highly misunderstood is the Single Life, which can either be temporary or lifelong.  Most of us find ourselves living this vocation at some point in our lives while we are either waiting to meet (and then date) our future spouse, or else discerning whether Jesus wants us to become a priest or a religious brother or sister.  Some of us, however, do not feel called to any of these other secondary vocations, or have tired to pursue them but found that it would not work out.  Singlehood is a perfectly valid and beautiful “mode” of Christian living.  In fact, I have so far lived this secondary vocation for my entire adult life, and I can attest that it is very rewarding when it is lived with generosity of spirit.  I stressed that last point because Christian single life is very different from avoiding lifelong commitments out of a selfish desire to hoard wealth and pleasure, or because one does not want to be “tied down” with the responsibilities of such commitments.

So how does one live the vocation of Single Life in the Catholic Church?  I think I can share a few tips:

1.  Tap into your local Catholic community.  If you haven’t done so already, register at your local parish!  Then once you do, get involved.  If you are fresh out of college and living on your own for the first time, it will be especially important to look for a network of other Catholic young adults (some parishes have their own Young Adult Ministries).  Otherwise, form your own network with other Catholic peers in your area, don’t be shy!  One of the great blessings of being Catholic is that we are part of an enormous spiritual family, as brothers and sisters in Christ.  The more we connect with this family, the greater our sense of belonging will be, and this is an important foundation to have in the changes and challenges of life.
2. Join a prayer ministry.  Some of you might be thinking “prayer ministry, what’s that?!”  I mean any kind of group where you are asked to pray for others as a form of service, or for mutual benefits.  Many religious orders, such as the Dominicans, Franciscans, and Mercedarians, have contemplative members and active members.  The active members engage in ministries in the world such as preaching, education, caring for the sick, and missionary work.  The contemplative members live lives entirely dedicated to prayer and self-denial, thus becoming powerful intercessors for the active members or their orders, and for the whole church.  In the same way, lay apostolates such as the Legion of Mary have members, who are asked to commit to pray for the intentions of the group.  There are also lay branches of various religious orders, often known as Third Orders, who commit to a rule of life suitable for single and married laypeople (i.e. agreeing to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, going to daily Mass, meeting in community once a month, etc.).  As Catholics, we profess belief in the Communion of Saints; this means that, as members of the Body of Christ, we are dependent upon each other spiritually as well as materially, and are called to support one another in our journey of faith.
3. Serve in an active ministry.  There are many great ways to support the apostolic mission of the church as a single.  Consider joining a major organization such as the Knights of Columbus, the Legion of Mary, or the Rosary Altar Society (or any other organizations that have a chapter at your parish).  You can also serve your parish at Mass as an altar server (it’s not just for kids), lector, usher, or an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion.  Your parish might also have opportunities to feed the homeless, teach religious education, serve in prison ministry, or even to assist in the administrative functions of the parish.  See if there is a special shrine nearby that you can volunteer at, or if your local Catholic Charities branch needs volunteers for their services.  One thing that is also important to remember; do not be discouraged from joining a ministry that you feel drawn to just because almost everyone who are involved in it are decades older than you.  Millennials and Generation Z folks are not exactly jumping up at once to help out in church.  Some young people need to be the first to step up and carry the torch!  Besides, your presence can uplift your older parishioners, and your older parishioners can share their wisdom and experience with you.
4. Tithing.  Tithing is an old-fashioned word for allotting some of your income (say 10%, for example) to give to the Church.  It is one of the five precepts of the church for us to share, as far as we are able, in the financial burdens one’s parish (how do you think your Pastor pays the bills and feeds himself?)  So, while you are working out your budget, set some money aside for almsgiving, some for your local parish/Bishop’s appeal, and some for your favorite charity.  Also, consider donating unused clothing, buying some non-perishable foods for the parish food pantry, and donating blood.  There are other ways to meet the physical needs of your neighbor than just donating money.
5. Be an exemplary Catholic in the world you live in.  Remember, we are called to be “the light of the World” and “the salt of the Earth” (Mark 5:13-16)  We are also living in a time when adhering to traditional catholic values, especially with regard to sexual morality, are seen as the new “alternative lifestyle” (aka, abnormal) by mainstream American culture.  I am not saying that you have to tell everyone you meet “I’m a single, Mass-going Catholic virgin” upon introduction.  But don’t be afraid to share parts of your faith with your acquaintances as they get to know you better.  That means, be ready to explain why you have this big smudge on your forehead on Ash Wednesday.  If anyone asks if you have a significant other, do not be ashamed to say that you are single, and living a fulfilled life!  Witnesses to the liberating power of a chaste life are needed now more than ever!  And if you happen to be in conversation about your plans for the weekend, don’t be afraid to mention you’re going to Mass.  When you live a life of charity for others (including those whom you dislike) and constant joy (even in the midst of difficult situations), it shows, and it is contagious.  The people around you are going to want what you have, and when you tell them that the secret to your joy and love is your faith, those people are more likely to want to take a closer look because you example will make it look so attractive.
6. Travel to a Catholic shrine.  While you are living your independent lifestyle and don’t have to consult with anyone about your travel plans, pack your bags and visit a religious site!  I remember when I decided to take a couple of my days off to visit St. Augustine, Florida, a couple of years back.  St. Augustine is the site of the Shrine of Our Lady de la Leche, where the first Mass was celebrated in what is now the continental United States in the 1500s.  The Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine is also home to the first Catholic parish in what is now the continental United States.  Visiting a location with so much Catholic history filled me with a sense of awe, as well as gratitude for the traditions that were past down to me though many generations.  Take the time to visit a pilgrimage site that has a special lure for you.  You might be surprised at how it can enrich your sense of your own Catholic identity.

Obviously, all of these tips can be applied to those Catholics that are married, priests, or consecrated religious.  So, how come I addressed these tips to single Catholics?  Because single Catholics, whether they are single temporarily or discern being “single for the Lord” as their lifelong vocation, have a unique freedom and flexibility in time and resources that those in the other secondary vocations do not.  God has a unique plan for each of us at every time in our lives, so do not resent your singlehood because it is a great gift!!!