Redefining Conflict

            As Catholic Christians we will often find ourselves caught in conflict and in disagreement with others. Considering the state of the secular culture, and the positions we hold as those who practice faith, this is to be expected. In fact, it is unavoidable. That being said, I think we need to redefine what it means to engage with the problems we find ourselves facing, and the people on the “opposing side” from us.

            It is true, we need more people who are unafraid to speak the Truth of the Church in a world that wants to hear anything but us. When we find individuals who are willing to be fearless leaders and speak in support of the unborn, the family, and other hot-button issues, we often give them our praise and admiration for their courage. While this certainly is admirable, I often find myself disappointed, and not-so-much of a fan, very quickly. Here’s why:

            Within the past few days I have witnessed the interactions of several powerful Christian internet personalities/influences with those on the opposite sides of the issues they defend. While I agree with their cause and many of the points they raise, and the ideas they speak for, I find myself disgusted with them anyway, and turned off from listening to anything they say, because of the way they conduct themselves. None of these individuals started out this way. It seems as if they think that because they wave the banner of Truth, they are allowed to be rude, insensitive, condescending, and most frequently, to bait those that oppose them with hateful and mocking language.

            This does nothing to help us in our mission. In fact, it severely damages the image of all of Christianity as an institution, fellow Christian brothers and sisters, and indeed the very face of Jesus. As Catholics, we are called to be charitable in all circumstances. This is especially so amid conflict! John 13:35 says, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Additionally, we are told in Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”. By adding to the chaos and the polarization of opposing views, I dare say we may even be lending Satan a helping hand, even if it is not our intention to do so. How we conduct ourselves in the face of conflict, even if we are being treated uncharitably ourselves, is a chance to either witness what it means to call ourselves Christians, or fall short and drive others away from Him and His Church.

            I think part of this problem is the idea of the fearless Warrior for Christ, who spoke Truth without caring what others thought…an ideal I was enamored with until the end of my sophomore year of college. I had spent a whole year trying to convince my Protestant boyfriend at the time, that the Catholic Church had “the fullness of Truth with a capital T!” It started out fine, with civil discussions about faith differences and gentle explanations on both of our parts. But as we continued our dialogue, it got more emotional, and harsher. Discussions turned into arguments. We could no longer talk about faith- the foundation upon which we had initially bonded- with each other. Being unequally yoked was a heavy burden for both of us. In the last month or so of our relationship, I spent hours in the chapel at my school, praying for us. Somewhere within the silence, and in between the tears, I knew it was time to let go. I wanted to think that maybe these seeds I had planted would someday take root, and he would convert long after our story was finished. Looking back, I realize I absolutely only built upon the distastes and bad impressions Catholic school had imprinted in his mind, that made it so hard for him to look at Catholicism in a positive light.

            It was not just that relationship in which I had been uncharitable when trying to spread my faith. Something shifted after my boyfriend and I broke up with each other. My approach grew into something different, and as I went through my junior and especially senior year, I began to see the results. My friends (who came from all walks of life, religious views, and political opinions), taught me a lot because I began to really listen to them, their experiences, their feelings, and their beliefs. They in turn, were so much more willing to listen to me as well. Through our discussions, I was able to explain exactly what it was the Church taught, the lines of thinking that led to those teaching, and express my alignments with these teachings, even as I offered opinions on how Christians could better uphold those teachings in a way that invited people into closer communion with Christ, instead of turning them off to the idea of religion completely. None have converted on the spot. Nor did I expect them to. In fact, I know that we will continue to disagree on such issues as we have discussed for at least a long while longer, if not forever. But I have faith that these seeds may eventually yield fruit, even if it takes a while. Regardless, they have a much better chance of sprouting than if I had continued the path I once bought in to.

            The polarization and lack of compassion that we see in today’s culture has no excuse and should not be fostered in our own hearts. Stripped of ideals and opinion, anger and hurt, religious views or lack thereof, and political alignment, each person we encounter is not an enemy, but a child of God, however lost they may be, and whether they choose to acknowledge that or not. As Catholic Christians, we have an obligation to make this identity known to them…and how we treat them, even in conflict, especially in conflict, is the loudest witness we can offer.