Repent! An Advent Examen of Conscience
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The other day, I was at a nursing home accompanying a parishioner in ministry to the sick. As she was distributing Communion room by room, we came upon a woman. When asked if she wanted Holy Communion or a blessing, she turned her face away to the corner, covered her head, and began to cry.
The instance painfully reminded me of my own way of dealing with suffering. Hide in the corner. Close my heart. Turn my face away from Jesus and others who want to support me. Put my head down and cry in shame. Resist how Jesus wants to meet my need.
I compare this to a few days just before, when a 2 year old girl at a downtown shelter started crying and wanted to be picked up and held. She reached up her arms and welcomed my protection and embrace. She was open to my presence and comfort, and what a delight it was to give that to her, on my end.
So often, children welcome love and support -- letting those around them pick up and carry them in their distress. Their hearts are so open to a loving and caring embrace.
What is it that happens to us when we age that we close our hearts to Jesus? That we build walls and keep the presence of others and Jesus at arms length from us? That we bury our heads in the corner? That we resist Jesus working in our midst, giving us grace upon grace, and drawing us closer to His Sacred Heart?
I think sometimes, we get stuck in the pain. We get so stuck that we don’t see Jesus working around us to support us in that pain or even blessing us in the middle of it. I think we assume that we aren’t worthy of the gift or the support, we give in to shame, or believe that we are a burden to those around us. We become blind to how Jesus is coming to us through others.
Lord, help us stay like children, nestled in Your most Sacred Heart and ever open to Your love, embrace, and presence flooding into our lives. Break down our walls. Heal our pain. Open our hearts so that we may see and experience You everywhere in our lives and be open to how You are touching and supporting us in our suffering, especially through others.
Katie Zalany lives in Cleveland Ohio. She is a Third Order Secular Franciscan (OFS), spiritual director, benefits/wellness leader, certified health and life coach, and volunteer. She is the creator of the ministry Women in Waiting | Made for Fruitfulness and is a published author. Her writing interests and focus areas include Gospel reflections, Franciscan spirituality, women's spirituality, prayer, and integration of faith and daily living.
