A PARADISE OF LIES - Why Do Catholics Leave the Church?

These are short stories of people who may have left the Catholic faith. Each one of them had their strong reasons to do it and when you get to know each one of these characters, you may relate to them. So, the question is: What made them leave their faith? Or stay in their faith despite difficulties? And you, dear reader, why have you not left your Catholic faith?

This is Monica’s story, this is Atticus’ story, this is Paul’s story, this is Gina’s story, and this is me telling their stories. Stories on how a Catholic priest’s actions made them question whether to stay or leave the Catholic Church. Please read this article to the end. I promise you will like the ending.

We cannot deny that many Catholics have left the Church and I always wonder why they do so. I used to think that people left the Catholic Church because of many reasons that I have grouped in four categories.

This is my first group, “the ignorant”. The ignorant group is formed by people who, although were baptized and even receive the sacraments of first communion and confirmation, they never formally studied anything about Catholicism. They knew so little about the fundamentals of the Catholic Church that when a Jehovah witness or anyone else from another sect crossed paths with the ignorant, that was it. They left their Catholicism because “they had found the truth”. No doubt, many of these people from other sects or religions are very friendly and helpful. It is this that initially convinces others to leave their Catholic faith. Whatever you need, they give you a hand. The still practicing Catholic maybe would like to practice more this effective and attractive charity. None of our characters belong to this group.

The second group of people who have left the Catholic Church, I call them “the media”. Members of this group are those who watch tv and movies without questioning what the media presents to them. The tv/movies say that this priest is an alleged sexual offender and that this other priest is a pedophile and “the media” just eat it all up. They now have in their minds that all priests are sexual offenders. Some of these “media people” rarely set foot in a Catholic church, they may have never met any one priest personally, yet their ideas of what the Church is about and the who the priests or the priesthood are simply becomes what the tv/movies presents to them. Let’s be honest that attacks from the media via tv/movies are many times exaggerated, overproportioned, and presented from an unfavourable bias, but none of our characters belong to this group.

The third group is “the intellectuals”. It is my opinion that mostly young adults are included in this group. They are college/university students who can not link science with religion. Many of the members of this group, consider that a believer is a stupid person with no formal education. They are above the average person. They consider themselves intellectuals and believe they have free will that have helped them to learn the ‘right things” in life. Little they realized that the way they think is just what the world wants them to believe as the truth. They do not bother in learning about any faith, they think they do not need to practice any religion. I just want to cite Dr. Ian Hutchinson, Professor at MIT: “It is simply a myth, a fallacy that modern science and faith have been at war, because if you think about real history, many of the greatest scientists were deeply Christian: James clerk Maxwell, Michael Faraday, Isaac Newton, Arthur Eddington, Robert Boyle". Some of our characters of this story are young, but none of them belong to this group.

The fourth and last group is “the deserters”. Members of this group are those who left the Church because of a bad experience with a fellow believer or with a priest, nun, a Catholic school or Catholic association. I would say this is the largest group of people who leave the Catholic Church. Deception, fraud and abuse are what they experienced. As a result of this, their hearts quickly fill with disbelief, disdain for, and a strong dislike for the people who represent Catholicism and the Catholic Church. It is their stories that I have been personally privy to, my own shoulder that has helped these people through their struggles, my own ears that have listened tenderly to their cries, and it is a love for my own faith and my own church that has inspired me to record it in this memoir. I hope that all of us learn from these stories, shepherds and sheep alike, to learn to live within the Church as the family we all are.

I am sure you will enjoy this reading; isn’t it true that we usually enjoy listening to other peoples’ lives? I enjoy when people tell me their stories. I personally have learned from other’s mistakes, and sometimes I have learned valuable lessons from those who live an inspirational life.

Before judging our characters, Monica, Atticus, Paul and Gina, let’s just remember Jesus words: “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37)

People’s names have been changed to keep their animosity but be assured that everything I am going to tell is true.

Monica, Atticus, Paul and Gina, each one of them belongs to a different parish from the same Dioceses, and it was at a Diocesan event where I met all of them.

This could have happened to anyone, even to you.

Monica

Monica is a middle age mother of three and works in an administrative position at a parish. She was born in a Catholic family and just loved her faith. When she realized that the children and grandchildren of many parishioners were not attending Mass any more, she wanted to do something to change that. Monica started working hard at her parish. She had in her mind and in her heart the conviction that wherever God places us, we should flourish. Monica had a big desire of working for the kingdom of God, so she organized many activities such as family movie nights, weekly Bible meditations, summer camps for children, and even started a youth group. She joined the lady’s group of the parish and did so many activities that she become very well known in that parish by her generous spirit and she felt honour that the Bishop knew her by name. She was happy thinking that in her simple way she was serving God by spreading his word. You know that saying: "never say never." Something like this happened to Monica.

Monica never thought she could ever leave the Catholic faith. For her, faith it was not only a 'code of beliefs'. Her faith was her love, her heart, her mind, and her whole life. And under this Catholic roof, Monica experienced one of the worst treatments of her life.

Monica was well liked by her parishioners, but you know life is about changes and after ten years, a new priest was assigned as the pastor for the parish where Monica was working. Fr. Smith came from other dioceses across the country. You know how is like when the priest is moved to another parish, and all parishioners are in a “waiting/hoping” status.

Monica was shocked when some parishioners approached her to show her that Fr. Smith’s name was listed on a website that shows all priests who have been accused of different sorts of crimes. Fr. Smith had sexual accusations according to that list, adding that nothing was proven. Also Fr. Smith was formally accused of fraud and the website cited the court where this procedure took place. After this legal procedure, Fr. Smith left the country for two years coming back now to serve as a pastor in a parish in a different diocese than his.

Some parishioners approached the Bishop, but he assured them that those were false accusations and that Fr. Smith was coming. So, Fr. Smith arrived and then, Monica had a taste of hell.

Fr. Smith treated Monica like a dog. He did not miss an opportunity to put her down in the way he used to speak to her, using a threatening tone. As Monica continued telling me her story, she was shaking and with a trembling voice she told me that a priest instead of being compassionate, kind and patient, he was calling her names. Sadly, she kept telling me about Fr. Smith’s demands. Instead of using the common words of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, he used phrases like, “My orders are," or "I ordered you", and even called Monica a fool.

Every day Monica felt bullied and harassed by the way Fr. Smith talked to her, humiliating and intimidating her even in front of people, that she ended going to the hospital due to a panic attack.

With her despair, Monica went to the Bishop and with tears flowing like a river, told her pastor about the anti-Christian behavior of Fr. Smith and how this job situation had affected her health, her faith, and her family. The Bishop’s answer was: “Oh you just used my whole box of tissues”.

Monica felt she was unheard, betrayed and belittled by the same people to whom she had given her trust, her own shepherd. Monica was deeply demoralized by the fact that she called for help to her Bishop, with tears and anxiety asking him to relieve her pain, and what it seemed to be an answer of silence and indifference, then it became a sad outcome when she was asked to leave her job position.

Monica could not go to Mass where either Fr. Smith or the Bishop was presiding, as she sat listening to them, many words came to her mind: liar, hypocrite, selfish, materialistic.
Her heavenly life on earth turned to be a paradise of lies. She thought there should be some punishment for those who rape your soul too.

Did Monica just go home and keep this grudge in her soul?

She was living a moment in her live where she felt lonely. Was she really alone during her difficult time?

Her soul, her faith was raped, so all her job at the church, her apostolate, was it in vain? Were those only actions with no faith?

Atticus and Paul

Atticus was a witty, green-eyed, young man who was in middle school when I met him. Like many people of his generation, Atticus was full of dreams, one of those young men who wanted to do wonderful things with his life. Atticus was someone who made things happen, not someone who waited for those same things to occur. Very soon Atticus became my son's friend. He used to come over quite often and both boys shared lots of laughs playing video games, floor hockey or just talking and talking and talking. Many times, Atticus stayed for dinner, never once forgetting his manners. Eventually, not only did a beautiful friendship grow, so did a mutual trust. We spent many Christmases and birthdays together. One day, Atticus asked me if I would be his sponsor as he was about to receive the sacrament of confirmation. I was honoured by his request and decided to organize a small party to celebrate. He was delighted, and so was I.

Fr. Jones, the priest from Atticus’ parish wanted to start a youth group and advertised a part time paid position to be the leader of, which he eventually offered to the latter: “The job is yours”, Fr. Jones assured Atticus.

Ultimately, the job was given to another young man and not to Atticus. This seems like a story we have heard before; it may had happened to you, my dear reader. It is like when we are about to close on a good deal, and suddenly it does not go through. As adults, we certainly feel disappointed, so we can understand that the promise Fr. Jones made to Atticus was hollow and void of meaning. At that moment, Atticus could not help but think that every word coming from Fr. Jones was dishonest, that Fr. Jones had the heart of a liar, a liar who knew well how to smash the trust and faith of other people. Atticus felt betrayed by him in whom he had put his trust.

And then comes Paul, a close friend of Atticus and knowing what Fr. Jones’s empty promises did to Atticus, he could not stay quiet. Paul went and talked to Fr. Jones saying he understood his choice of personnel, but not the fact of creating false expectations on his friend, Atticus. Fr. Jones’s answer was: “If you do not like the new youth leader, do not come”. Well, obviously Paul answered he will not be back at the youth group. Sadly, that is not the end of the story as Fr. Jones called Marcia, Paul’s mother to let her know that her son was arrogant and disrespectful and demanded her to ask Paul to go to his office to apologize.

Did Paul listen to his mother’s plea and went to apologize to Fr. Jones?

Wasn’t Fr. Jones the one who had to apologize to Atticus and Paul?

Atticus was frustrated by this situation. He just wanted ‘to disappear’, so he quit his school and moved to another town where he started school again and got a part time job. And what about his soul? Did Atticus just forgive and forget? Did he continue attending Mass on Sundays? Atticus placed the Catholic Church in the person of Fr. Jones, so certainly Atticus did not want to set foot again in that ‘paradise of lies church’, but did he?

Gina

Gina is a young mother of two. As new immigrants, Gina and her husband were having a hard time finding full-time permanent employment. However, they wanted their children to attend a Catholic school, but unfortunately Catholic schools in Canada are not public in all provinces. Gina’s family lived in a Canadian province where they had to pay for their children to attend a Catholic school; that is to say the Catholic schools are private. Gina and her husband, already struggling to pay rent and bills, had to wonder how they could afford paying tuition. A friend mentioned to Gina that the parish priest could sign a form for the family to get a 10% discount on tuition, so Gina and her husband went to talk to Fr. Brown. Gina asked Fr. Brown if he could sign the form for them to get the school discount. “Oh, let’s see how much you contributed to the parish last year” Fr. Brown said. “Only $80” “No, no no, you have to contribute with your time, treasure and talent. Sign up to do a volunteer job in the parish and every Sunday you have to come to Mass with your donation in your envelope and only then I will sign the form”. “But Father”, Gina replied “that is the point, that we don’t have more money, we barely have enough to pay the rent, food and basic bills”. “Well” Fr. Brown continue saying, “Maybe Catholic school is not for your family. Wait for a time when you have a better job and things change for you”.

Gina left the priest’s office heart broken. The same institution that preaches justice and love to the poor had just turned back to that one who went asking for help.

Anger, disappointment, frustration and resentment were planted that day in Gina’s heart. For Gina, Fr. Brown and the institution he represented were just hypocrites, materialistic people who preach love, but just to those ones who can afford to buy it.   

Vince in Bono Malum

Vince in bono malum is a Latin phrase meaning ‘Overcome evil with Good’ or ‘Defeat evil with Good.’

Monica, Atticus, Paul and Gina are my friends. Their pain is my pain, and as much as I wanted to relieve them from their suffering, I realized that souls that have been raped have to be healed with God’s grace alone. After all, each one of us had experienced our own share of tears, despair and loneliness in our lives. Nobody goes through this life unscarred, and as much as the injured person wants to go and hide, we have to remember that hiding is isolating ourselves from life. You, raped soul, have done nothing wrong. The shame lies with others, and those others, as well as us, will be accountable to God, when he calls us to His presence.

I offered to my broken-hearted friends three things: my prayers for them, my ears to listen attentively to them, and a thought ‘overcome evil with good’. Do not become one of the ‘bad guys’; learn to deal with pain; pray for strength and a humble heart that forgives, and most important go with the flow of Jesus’ love.

Separate the man who injured us from the Church. Our Church is not that man, that priest is only a member of our Catholic Church as you are and as I am.

Do not look at those who injured you, ‘keep your eyes in Jesus” (Matthew 14:22-32).

Despite the abuse suffered at the hands of a few clergy, Monica, Atticus, Paul and Gina never left their faith. Friends and prayers helped them to stay faithful to their true love for Jesus and his Church. I have always thought that by keeping a grudge I am giving others some power over me. When the only power I want to govern my heart is the one that comes from the Holy Spirit.

This is something I am putting into practice myself, ‘Defeat Evil with Good’. After all, nothing resembles us more to God than when we also forgive.

“Be joyful in hope, persevere in hardship; keep praying regularly” (Romans 12:12)

An excerpt of my book of the same tittle “A Paradise of Lies”