Catholic Masculinity Today

The controversy surrounding the latest Gillette commercial, an old question that I believe is in the minds of many a young Catholic today; what does it mean to be “masculine”?  What is the difference between “toxic masculinity” and real masculinity?  What does Jesus have to say about the calling of a man?  Without going into my thoughts on the Gillette commercial (I think arguing over it can be a distraction from the important point) I would like to propose a masculine ideal that all men can strive for, that I think is based on the example of Jesus Christ the Bridegroom (Ephesians 5:25-32).

Firstly, I think that the core of who a man is called to be is found in the realm of virtue, rather than that of physical strength, climbing the corporate ladder, confirming to stereotypical masculinity, or his popularity with women (aka, having one’s own “fan club”, which can really entice the male ego).  A truly masculine man finds his identity lived out in chivalry.  He serves his lady with acts of kindness and consideration such as opening the door for her, getting to know her better so that he can learn how to delight her, and by taking the initiative to ask her out (be it a first date or proposing marriage), thereby risking rejection.  He does these things for the woman he loves not because he thinks he’s better than her, but rather out of a desire to show her how much she means to him.  When it comes to the role of the Bridegroom, whether in holy matrimony or the ministerial priesthood, he gives himself over to his bride, and sticks with that commitment for life (Matthew 19:1-12).  As the country artist Abby Anderson sings in “Make Him Wait”;

“[…] yeah a boy’s gonna run, but a real man’s gonna

   Stay […] oh they told me love is worth the weight in gold,

   like that ring on your hand so, when you find the one, the

   staying kind, then he won’t mind, if you make him wait […]” 

A real man not only leads by service but waits for his lady reciprocate his love of her own, free decision.  As an aside to the ladies, “Make him wait” is an excellent piece of love advice for any woman.  As a man who grew up with three sisters, I encourage you to listen to that song and really take the words in.  Back to the men, whether you’re giving yourself to a wife and children, or to the People of God, your life is no longer about you, but the other.  This is the essence of Christian manhood.

You can even find examples of Christian masculinity outside of the Bible.  Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, and Andrew Lloyd Weber’s The Phantom of the Opera all provide do’s and don’t of manliness.  Yes, I’m a guy who’s not afraid to admit that he likes a few good “chick flicks.”  If you’re in courtship, why not take the time to watch one of your girlfriend’s favorite romance movies?  It might really impress her. 

Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice first tries to impress Elizabeth Bennett by his “superior” status, and then corrects himself by going out of his way to help her family amid their crisis.  Prince Adam from Beauty and the Beast learns how to love another, by laying aside his own desires and freeing Belle from his castle.  Eric from The Phantom of the Opera tries to win Christine’s love through manipulation and threats, realizing his errors when Christine shows him heartfelt compassion, the first he has ever known in his life.  If you don’t know these storylines, take the time to watch these films (but for Pride and Prejudice make sure you read the book first!) and reflect on the storyline from the male protagonist’s point of view.  I think that deep down, all of us men want to be the best we can be.  Let us look to the God who made us male and female, and came to us as our Brother through Mary Most Holy, show us His plan for masculinity.

Works Cited

Abby Anderson - Make Him Wait - Official Music Video [Video file]. (2018, September 13). Retrieved March 06, 2019, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiQB_IMItA0